"It's a beautiful novel. And heart touching. Did you experience something similar to this in your life?" One of the reporter, sitting in the audience asked.
I looked at the reporter who asked me this question and smiled.
"You can say that I have experienced some part of this novel with my own eyes." I replied.
My one statement made the number of camera flashes go off. It will be in the headlines by tomorrow that my book is in fact part of my life's story.
"The character you showed in the book feels all the emotions. But the most defined one is guilt. Did you experience any such guilt from which it was difficult for you to come out."
The statement pinched my heart. Guilt. Yes I did feel guilty. Every second, every minute of my life. I wrote this book to release the burden I have been carrying for years in my heart. The novel was just a story for others but for me it was my memory. My mistakes, my burden which I wanted to share with the world. An experience that is unforgettable for me. An experience from which the world can learn. I thought about writing this book and asking for forgiveness. I thought maybe it will ease my guilt a little but it didn't. In fact it has increased. To write this book I had to open each and every door of my memory. Some of which I had closed unintentionally. Those were the doors which had hurt me the most when I opened them, it made me realise how better it could have been if I had taken another decision that day. I want to ask for forgiveness but I can't. So I did what I have been doing for years, I blamed it on love.
It is said love makes us blind. But I have experienced, how badly love can be blind. They say everything is fair in love. But I doubt I was fair. I doubt he was fair. I doubt she was fair. I doubt either one of us was fair with each other. Just because we were not wrong, didn't mean we were right. The word 'fair' is very troublesome. What is fair for one can be unfair for others. It is easy if the sides of the coins are black and white. It's easy to judge. But what if the sides are with the shades of grey. And the only choice you have to choose is which grey is less darker and less harmful for the other person.
Since childhood, the stories we hear have a hero and a villain. But in real life it's not that simple. What if the heroes become villains and vice versa. This story is just like that. All of us are heroes and all of us are villains, for each other and for ourselves. This story is not of a girl and boy. There are many more people in love at the same time. All craving for love, all craving for happiness, all craving for that happy ending which we were shown since childhood. The fact is that, in real life we run after those unfulfilled dreams and in the process we forget that this is not a fairytale. It is a real world where there are no happy endings.
While growing up we forget our old dreams and make new ones. We compromise, we understand, we cry, we hate, we love and we go through the pain of losing. I experienced it all. And realised to live where you are today. This day, this hour, this time will never come back.
The publisher beside me nudged me. Getting me back in the present. I smiled again at the reporter and replied calmly, very opposite to the turmoil growing inside me.
"Guilty you say? Haven't we all felt guilty about something or the other in life. As it is said life is not easy."
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After the press conference I call my driver and started walking towards the lobby of the hotel. As soon as I reach the lobby I see my black Audi Q7 waiting for me. As I reach the car, the chauffer opens the door for me and I get it.
"Paradise Mansion." I inform my driver. I look at the time. It was already midnight. It will take an hour for me to reach the mansion but I need to go there.
The entire ride I finished my work on laptop. I was so engrossed in my work that I didn't realise when the hour pass by. As soon as the car parked at the lobby of the mansion. The feeling of deep grief and guilt engulfed me. With shaky hands I was about to open the door, but my chauffeur beat me to it.
"Are you alright?" He asked. He was always concerned when ever I came here. As if he could feel the tension running in my heart and mind. I gave him a small smile and got out of the car. It had been 5 years since that incident but still when ever I came here I felt as if it all happened yesterday. Here I become 28 year old again. Whose life had changed in a couple of hours. A few hours back I was the happiest person in the world and after those haunting hours ended I lost everything dear to me, including myself.
I walked towards the room. As usual I am unable to enter it and stand there looking at the patient on the bed. The heart beat monitor indicating the patient was still alive. Except that there had been no other indication of life in the last 5 years.
"The patient is fine." Mrs. Dicosta said. I didn't realise when she came and stood beside me.
"Any improvement?" She looked at me with those pity eyes and shook her head. Everytime I came here I asked the same question and she answered me with the same answer. I must have left hope but I can't.
"No." She replied, just like she has been in the last five years. I turned towards the stairs. I didn't want to see those pity eyes for me. I didn't deserve it. I must be punished for what I had done without any pitiness. I walked towards my room.
"I feel so much grief around you, my child. It is not good for you. You have your entire life ahead." Mrs. Dicosta said, following behind me.
"I deserve to live in misery, Mrs. Dicosta. After all that I have done."
"Loving someone unconditionally is not a wrong."
"But hurt someone is."
"Don't do this to yourself my child. The way you are living will cause more misery than you deserve."
I just looked at her and gave her my best fake smile.
"Do you think I don't deserve this? Even after all that I have done. This is how I must live. Maybe then they might forgive my sins."
"You have caged yourself in your own mind. Please break out of it and see the world around you. There is so much to live."
"The person suffering in that room was also supposed to live the life to the fullest. Enjoying every day with love and happiness. But I have robbed the person from all this. How can I live with this guilt inside me?" I said and walked in my room. I closed the door and locked it.
I walked towards my study. Removing the pen and letter head from the drawer and I started writing like I do every time I come here.
Dear...........
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Author's Note:
This chapter is a little short as it is prologue. The next chapters are going to be bigger than this. Please vote and support my story. Thank you.
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Blame It On Love
General Fiction"What would you do, if you come across a heart wrenching news that the person you are dating for last three years, was engaged to someone else long before he even met you?" -Aadhya Verma "What would you do, when the person whom you have loved for mo...
