Wish I wasn't so shy

Valensi

Nick Valensi. The only person I wouldn't mind seeing besides Fab. I was overjoyed to see him. He walked over to the side of my bed, kneeling down. He looked at my glossy, bloodshot eyes and sighed.

"Oh my Maya, my dear Maya", he said getting down on his knees, grabbing my hand."I just wanted to see how you're doing. To answer my question: not so good." I gave him a weak smile at his attempt to make me laugh. I had to give him some credit for being here.

"Am I not allowed to talk about him or do I have permission?" He asked. I hesitated. "Just don't say his name, it hurts."

Nick nodded his head and continued. "When he started seeing you, his drinking actually got better. He didn't stop, obviously, but he took it slow. He's back at it again though. Everyday I see him and he's in some mood and gets drunk. And you might not want to hear this but I think you deserve to know so...he's had his arm around this chick named Judy", Nick trailed off.

I groaned loudly, banging my head against my pillow. "I fucking knew it, of course he got over me so quickly", I sobbed. Nick got up, lying next to me. He rested my head on his shoulder. "No no Maya he doesn't even like Judy. I know when he likes someone and he definitely likes you. If you want the truth, she just comes over for a friendly fuck and he doesn't even seem happy."

"Oh so they're fucking. Great", I said monotonously. Nick sigh," yeah I guess. Albert almost can't live with him because he hates seeing him like this."

I felt bad for him, but then again he put me in this affliction. I didn't know what to do anymore, I was in love with him but seeing him would make me cry. Technically we never dated, although it felt like we'd been together for years. That's how crucial my heartbreak felt like.

"Oh and", Nick reached into his back pocket,"Albert made you this mixtape. Kinda like a breakup mixtape. " I looked at the messy writing that titled the mixtape Fuck That Shit. It made me smile. None of the songs were listed on the back so I had to guess along the way.

"Maya you should clean yourself up, you'll feel better. And smell better", he mumbled under his breath.

"Shut up", I giggled punching his shoulder. "There's that smile", he cheered. "Why don't I run you a bath?"

Before I could protest, he was already in the bathroom. Nick, that wonderful crazy bastard. Whilst I was waiting in bed, I heard Nick knock over a bunch of stuff. "Nothing happend", he screamed. I rolled my eyes, not bothering to get up.

He walked back out. For a second, he kind of had this worried look on his face but it vanished. "Time to get your ass out of bed." Pulled me up and dragged me to the bathroom. He put lilac scented bath salt that made the water a murky blue-ish colour.

"I'm gonna go look for your stereo so we can listen to the cassette. You better be in there by the time I get back, got it missy?" He pointed a finger at me.

I dramatically sighed and said, "Fine dad." I heard him laugh as he walked out. I undress and quickly jumped into the bath.

Once we got the stereo to work, I recognised the song in an instant. Who Loves the Sun by the Velvet Underground. The song had a deep meaning towards me. My brother bought me this record before he went off to college, since then we haven't spoken. A tear escapes from my eye, but I quickly splashed my face with water to mask it.

Songs went by, Nick and I joked around. He sat on the toilet seat and listen with me. Once the A side finished, I decided to get out and listen to the rest of it on my own. Nick left the bathroom, saying he would pick out my outfit while I dried myself off.

I got out with a towel wrapped around me, to see Nick digging through my closet. He pulled out a plain black shirt, high waisted shorts, and a blue and green plaid flannel. "Not bad Valensi."

"Right? Oh and put those on", he motions towards the lacey bra and underwear he matched. "Really dude?" I uttered. He shushed me, he wasn't willing to tolerate my nagging. He covered his eyes and turned his back so I could changed into them.

Once I finished, he turned around. "Woah...okay yeah nice", he stuttered under his breath. "But these under your shorts." He said, passing me sheer, black nylons. He tried hard not to look at my cleavage. I felt uncomfortable so I threw on the tshirt to cover up a bit.

He sat on my bed with his back facing me as I put the rest of my clothes on. "Okay, I'm done", I said. He turned around, smiling. "Wow I did a good job. You look great", he beamed. "Oh yeah Maya, Fab is coming over. Maybe we can order pizza and do fun shit."

"Yes totally. Can't wait", I grinned. This day just got better.

Later

When Fab got here, it turned into a party. I was so happy being with the guys again, I cried a little. In which they hugged me, telling me everything was okay and stroking me cheek.

Fab thought it would be cool if we built a fort so we took my bed sheets and put two chairs at the end to hold it up. We ate pizza and had beers under there. Fab drew me a picture of three silhouettes of people in a fort, representing us. I told him I would put it up on the fridge later.

Nick and Fab went out for a smoke, asking me if I wanted one. I declined, I hadn't smoked in three days and I was trying to keep it up. No matter how much I craved for the cancer stick, I resisted, I wanted to be able to have pride in something.

As the night went on, I noticed Fab was a little more cuddle-y. Ever since he came back from a cigarette break, maybe he was high or something. It got later and it was time for Fab to leave.

"Bye bye Maya. I love ya", Fab said, hugging me tightly. "Love you Fabrizio, thanks for coming." He gave Nick a hug and a kiss on the cheek and walked out.

"He's fucking crazy", Nick chuckled to himself. Now it was just us two. "I can stay if you want me to", Nick offered.

"You don't have to, it's fine."
"I just need to make sure you get out of bed tomorrow."
I groaned,"Nick you can't stop me."
"Oh yes I can. But fine, I'll leave you alone. Night Maya."
I laughed. "Bye Nick. Thanks for everything." He smiled and pulled me in for a hug. Then out of no where, he kissed me. He fucking kissed me. I stared at Nick with wide eyes. His face flushed with embarrassment.

"Shit, Maya I'm sorry. I just-I don't know. I kinda felt something towards you when I saw you standing there in your underwear. And I shouldn't have, it was wrong. I have a girlfriend, Amanda, and you've met her and you guys are friends. And I'm very much in love with her but I don't kno-", I put my finger on his lips.

"Just...shush." I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to process everything that happend.

When I opened my eyes, he pecked me on the lips again. And for some reason, I reacted. I kissed him back, running my hands through his hair as he pulled me close to his body. I tugged slightly at his hair, making him moan. I snapped out of it, pushing Nick off of me. All of this reminded me of him, I felt like I was kissing him. That's why I kissed Nick back, the cigarette and alcohol in his breath reminded me of him and I longed for it. I pushed him out the door, telling Nick he should leave.

"Sort yourself out. Please don't tell Amanda, she's a nice girl, you two deserve each other. Don't ever kiss me again Nick Valensi." And I shut the door on his face.

AN: Woah long chapter. Also, there is a playlist I made that has the mixtape Albert made for Maya. I'll put more details about that in the next author's note if you wish to listen to it. Until next time cool cats <3