Wish I wasn't so shy

Give Me Some Time, I Just Need a Little Time

What...

I've always fantisised about being proposed to, but you really don't know until it happeneds. I always felt like marriage was a strange and weird thing and didn't happen till I was 30. It only made it harder for me to react to what was going on now.

My throat had a lump in it, my heart froze, my eyes watered. Do something!

"Um...", I trembled. His smile twitched a little and I can see the fear in his eyes.
"C-can I have some time", I breathed out.

He had his teeth tightly on his bottom lip, nodding his head as his eyes glossed.

"Jules." I touched his face, but he quickly looked down and got up. "Fuck", I said under my breath, preparing to crying. My heart sunk all the way to the ground.

The guys stood next to the punch table, stiffening with tension. I'm the worst, I'm the worst.

Julian got up and closed the box. It echoed, like the doors to my future were being shut. He walked out, aggressively opening one of the double doors. Nikolai ran after him. I fell to my knees, looking at the ground feeling completely numb. I couldn't even cry, which was unfortunate because I really needed to. Fab and Nick walked to me while Albert ran off to where ever Nikolai went.

"Maya", whispered Nick.
"I don't know", I replied finally breaking down. Fab snuggled me into his chest, passing a worried look to Nick. He returned the favour.

"It's not that I don't want to marry him, I was just scared. It was so unexpected", I heaved. "I love him, I ruined it."
"You didn't do anything", Fab assured.
"Come on, let's go back. We still have a gig to go to." Nick informed, helping me up.

They each had an arm around me while we walked out the same doors Julian ran through. Ryan and some of the crew people stayed behind, trying to avoid the drama frankly because it wasn't any of their business.

They took me back to the tour bus, sitting with me on the long seats. After about 20 minutes of sitting in silence, beside my sobs, Fabrizio said he was going to look for the other guys.

Nick put his arm around me and gave me a reassuring look. I smiled through the massive pain, resting my head on his shoulder. Soon, Albert walked back, following Julian who hung his head as he walked. Nikolai had a hand on his shoulder, whispering something in his ear before sitting next to me.

Julian didn't look at anyone as he walked to the mini bathroom at the end of the bus. The minute the restroom door shut, I felt like the whole world's eyes were on me. I hid behind my hands like a child.

Nikolai turned to me, giving me a sympathetic smile. "It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong and neither did Jules." He raised his voice loud enough for Julian to hear.
"I just wanna talk to him", I croaked. Niko got up, tapping the door.
"Julian, she wants to talk to you man", he said.

"I don't want to talk right now", he moped. My lip trembled, trying not to let it affect me.
"Come on man, she's really sad too."
"Go away Nikolai", he muttered. Niko sighed, punching the door softly and walked back.

"I tried", he said as he pat my shoulder.
"Thank you." I really did appreciate his effort.

Ryan walked in, telling the band that it was time to hit the road again. "Where's Jules", he asked.
"Sulking in the bathroom", Albert replied. I glared at him for making me feel even worse about myself. Ryan lifted his eyebrows up and nodded his head, remembering back to what just happened. Then he mouthed out a sorry to me.

Julian finally got out once the bus was moving, sitting across from me next to Albert. He slouched over making his hair play as a shield for his eyes. I wanted to look at him but I couldn't bring myself to it.

Nick nudged me. I looked at him. His eyes shifted to Julian as he craned his neck in that direction. I shook my head. Nick knocked my shoulders with his. I mouthed out an annoyed 'okay'. Then Nick motioned Albert to go somewhere so I could steal his seat. He got the hint, and went into the bathroom.

I looked at the seat for a good 15 seconds before being reminded by Nick what I was meant to do. I breathed in as I quickly switched seats. I turned my whole body to face Julian. He stayed the way he was.

"Jules, please look at me", I whispered.

"Come on guys, let's give them some privacy", Nikolai said, just moving, along with the others, a couple seats over and indulging in their own conversation. By that time, Albert was out of the bathroom and sitting with them.

I shifted closer to Julian, causing him to stiffen. "Baby, please." My voice shook as I was about cry again. Slowly, he looked at me through his lashes. His hair still covered most of his face.

"This won't change the fact that I love you and still want to be with you. I was just taken back when you asked. I never thought it would happen, and happen to soon."
"I'm sorry", his voice rasped. "I didn't mean to put that on you. It's just...I know you're the one. I've never felt like that with anyone. I was so scared, so worried you would go away when I asked you and when you turned me down, I thought this was the end."

"I never turned you down, I just asked for more time." I mumbled. He looked at me with his face now cleared of hair. I got a good look at him, seeing tear stained cheeks, red eyes, and a running nose.

I covered my hand with the sleeve of my sweater, using it to wipe his face. He used the sleeve of his blazer to do the same for me.

"And I'm ready to give you an answer."