Wish I wasn't so shy

Forget What You Heard

I was back to square one; horribly miserable and an almost broke college student. I was slightly in debt before, but know it seems like the end of the world. Every little bad thing has felt like the end of the world since my split with Julian. I still can't believe I had it in me to do that. Sometimes I think it wasn't even me who said it, it was this altar ego that spoke for me.

Suddenly my phone rang, startling me. I reached over to the side of my bed clicking the answer button.

"Hello", I sighed.
"Maya? Are you still in bed? Dude it's almost three", Fabrizio lectured. "Are you coming to our gig tonight?"

Oh yes, that was tonight. How fast time has flied. I have to go, I can't let my little problem with Julian get in the way. I mean I'm even happy that he finally got the music thing going, I knew how much it meant to him.

"Uh...yeah I guess", I said, trying to sound more enthusiastic about it.
"I won't make you go if you don't want to."
"Fab are you crazy? I am determined to go to your very first show. I'd hate myself if I didn't." I smiled but Fab couldn't see.
"Great! I'll see you there then." Then he hung up.

I dragged myself off my bed and went to my drawer, picking up a mixtape Julian made me when we started dating. I've been listening to it a lot lately.

I took it into the bathroom and popped it into the boom box while I showered. My favourite part of the mixtape was the mini demos of his songs that he'd sneak in between every couple of songs. It was usually just him hummed the melody and playing the chords.

I used to cry when I heard them, but now they make me smile. It's this little piece of Julian I still have. Its melancholic.

I hopped out of the shower and maneuvered the boom box with me to my room. It was burning outside so I wore a black baby doll dress that went to my mid thigh with my black Mary Jane flats.

By the time I had my make up done and I was completely dressed, it was 5:40. I had ten minutes to spare but I thought I'd get there early.

I wasn't in the mood for driving myself there so I took a cab. The bar was called the Mercury Longue. I had only been to this bar once before with the guys.

I took a deep breath as the big letters of the bar came into view. I payed the cabbie my due and got out. My breath felt short.

The minute I walked in, everything felt surreal. It had just hit me that I was seeing Julian for the first time in four days. Yes, it was only four days but it felt more like four months. I didn't see any of the guys so I sat at the bar.

"Rolling Rock please", I motioned to the bartender. He nodded, quickly putting a bottle of beer infront of me.

"Boo", someone whispered into my ear which made me squeal. I turned to see who it was. Nick, of course.

"You bastard!" I giggled. I got up, hugging him.
"Hey short stuff, I almost thought you wouldn't come", he said.
"Yeah well I thought 'bout it and I couldn't miss your guys' first show. When are you on?"

He checks the watch on his wrist. "15 minutes." It's a nice watch. It made me pay attention to what he was wearing, navy blue button shirt with a black blazer and a loosely tied white tie, paired with dark jeans ripped at the knees and his beat up white converse.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you set up?"
"Nah, we got it all under control. The guys are all backstage puking if you want to see them?" He asked.
"No I'm good, I don't want to see...Julian yet", my voice trailed off.

Nick gave my this look. It was like a "I understand, I'm sorry. This must be really weird for you." look.

"How are you by the way, with all this", he said, his hands motioning to the air around him.
I shrugged, "I don't really know. It's complicated when I think about it, but most of the time I'm just sad."