Babymama

36.

Onika Maraj

"Welcome back, my favorite ladies! How have we been?" Mrs. White greeted us warmly, taking a seat with a beaming smile. She was the picture of elegance in her two-piece Chanel cotton dress.

Beyonce and I exchanged glances, silently debating who would muster the courage to address the elephant in the room. Mrs. White's keen eyes didn't miss a beat, picking up on our wordless exchange.

"Onika?... Beyoncé?" she queried, her gaze ping-ponging between us, anticipation hanging in the air like a volley awaiting its return.

"Well, I proposed to her" Beyonce sighed.

"I take that sigh as things didn't go according to plan?" she questioned and I saw Beyonce shake her head, she bit her lip slightly I could tell she was about to worked up again.

"It just wasn't the right time, we still have work to do. It's been more fighting than loving, we need to get better"

I truly felt like we haven't even touched the surface of our issues, everytime we get to a good place there is something interfering with it.

"Beyonce, how do you feel? Is there something you'd like to add?"

"She just wasn't up for it, and I guess I gotta be okay with that," she said, shrugging it off and staring at the wall. I tried to hold her hand, but she pulled back quick, leaving me confused and raising my eyebrows.

"What's bothering you?" Mrs. White asks her.

"She was so ready two years ago, now she's not. That's essentially the reason she ran away from her responsibilities"

"You not wanting to marry me then was not the reason I left Beyonce, don't fucking do that"I said, pointing at her for emphasis. It was obvious she still hadn't let go of that old narrative.

"Yeah, sure," Beyoncé scoffed, her hand brushing her mouth as if to wipe away the irritation that lingered there.

"Think I'd walk out on my kids over you? No way. If I had it my way, they'd be with me!" The volume of our voices began to climb, a clear sign of the heated emotions between us.

"This bitch is such a liar"

"BITCH?" I stood up, and so did she. If she wanted to take it there we could, I was sick of this back and forth. It's either she forgave me or she didn't. She couldn't seem to make up her mind.

"Ladies, sit down...calling each other out of their names is what I won't tolerate nor will I deal with violence" Mrs. White yelled at us both.

"Beyonce, you haven't fully forgiven Nicki for leaving?"

"You think I can just erase that from my memory? That was a huge part of my kids' lives, and mine too. I was left to handle it solo, nursing a broken heart because my girlfriend was gone. And she acts like it meant nothing."

"You're assuming though, Beyonce. I never said I didn't care about that. Why are you putting words in my mouth?" I was getting upset at this whole thing.

"Why did you leave, truthfully?" Beyonce turned to me.

"I was overwhelmed, Beyoncé, I told you that. I was going through postpartum depression; everything was suffocating me."