Babymama

47

Onika Maraj

I whispered to Giselle while washing my hands, "This is just between you and me, okay?"

"Y'all didn't use protection eww"

"Giselle, honestly get out of my face before I get mad" I said as she giggled going back into the office to eat her food.

"How's school today?"

"I had a test today in chemistry, I know I passed it. I'm ready to go can you come sign me out?" she asked eating a chicken tender.

"Absolutely not, I have to go to the doctors now"

"Please can I come with you mommy, please" she said poking her lip out, I sighed and grabbed my purse.

"Girl come on let's go sign you out first" I said as we walked out of the office getting into my car.

After signing GG out of school, she followed behind me to the obgyn, I grabbed my purse and put my shades on before getting out of the car.

"Hopefully it's a girl," Giselle said with a smile as she walked up to me. I returned her smile, feeling happy about her excitement, but unsure about what I wanted to do in this situation.

I nervously walked into the office and signed in, feeling my legs shake with anxiety. GG sensed my unease and reached over to hold my hand.

I looked at her, struck by the realization that my first baby had grown up and was now offering me comfort in return. I felt a wave of love for her wash over me, grateful for her unwavering support through all of life's challenges.

"It's okay mommy"

"Don't you think i'm too old to have another baby?" I asked as she chuckled.

"Well, yes you are.." she laughed and I playfully, "but I would love to have a baby sister, you're a good mom you'll do fine. I can help"

Tears welled up in my eyes as she spoke those words. Her reassurance meant the world to me, especially considering I had left her and her siblings for those two years. Her understanding and willingness to help filled me with a mix of gratitude and guilt, but most of all, a deep sense of love for my children.

"Giselle" I said softly.

"Yes?" she looked at me giving me her full attention.

"Do you remember when I left for a while?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Do you really forgive me for that? I know it was years ago but do you still think about that?" I wanted to know.

"I don't think about it because you've been here for me, I know it was something you regretted and I don't hold that over your head, I was young" she shrugged. I leaned over and kissed her forehead, my baby.

"Mrs. Knowles?" I heard the nurse call out as we made our way to the back. I took a seat on the examination table and waited for the doctor to arrive. A few seconds later, there was a gentle knock on the door, and in walked an older Black lady with a warm smile, instantly putting me at ease.