Babymama

54

Beyonce Knowles

3 days later...

"Omari, go ahead and grab some flowers for Mom," I said, with all my kids running around the floral shop. It was tough seeing Nicki go through a miscarriage just a few days ago. She's been crashing at my mom's place, and things have been tense between us. But today, we're all here to show her some love and make her smile with these flowers.

She's barely talking to anyone, and she won't even look my way. She's not taking care of herself - barely eating and Mama has to practically force her to drink water. She's not even interested in showering or doing anything. It's like she's shut herself off from the world.

The kids have been concerned, but I've been trying to reassure them that Nicki just needs some time to heal and process everything in her own way. Luckily, the kids are pretty understanding and haven't bombarded me with too many questions.

Well, except for Giselle - she's always full of questions.

"Hey I was going to get those" Brielle fussed, this girl was almost a teen and acting like she's 4 always.

"Brielle, pick another flower don't start today" I told her, I saw Giselle just staring at the flowers and every once in a while run her fingers over them, she wasn't feeling good about this whole situation either.

"I got these mama" Noel said and I nodded, everybody had picked their flowers except GG.

"Giselle, go ahead and choose the ones you like for the bouquet," I said, prompting her to make a selection. She seemed to snap out of her thoughts and picked up a flower. We handed all the flowers to the florist, who expertly arranged them into a beautiful bouquet.

"You okay?" she asked me, I was shocked by that question because nobody really asked.

"A-about what? i'm fine" I said.

"You lost a child too, are you really okay? Nobody really thinks to ask the other parent, so I am," she said.

Her words hitting me like a ton of bricks. I felt a lump form in my throat, fighting back tears right there in the shop.

"I don't know, I guess I feel more guilt than anything. I was so caught up in the fact that she initially said she wasn't going to have it, that I didn't really get to fully appreciate the little time we did have during her pregnancy," I confided in her.

"You didn't get to because you ran away from us, just like she did years ago. You both are our parents, and we need you. But when things get tough, you both run away. That's not setting a good example for us," she said with a shrug, walking off to stand beside her siblings.

It's like we could never get mad at Giselle because she always told us about ourselves and it was always so true. I was stuck on what she said and I knew I had to make this right and fix things with my family.

I definitely need to do something I should've did when she asked.

: Hey Meg, I can't have you working with me anymore. I respect my wife and I never should have hired you from the beginning. I can cut you one last check but please do not stand foot on Parkwood's facility or security will arrest you"

I hit send on the message, blocked her and locked my phone, then walked over to my children who were eagerly waiting for the bouquet to be completed. I wrapped my arm around Giselle's shoulder as she leaned in. After a few more minutes, the florist finished the arrangement and handed the bouquet to Giselle.

We went to Target and picked out a card and some of Nicki's favorite snacks. Back in the car, we all signed the card, and then we headed to my mother's house.

The kids were singing along to the radio and having a good time, which made me happy to see. I glanced over at Giselle, who was staring out the window, lost in her thoughts. I reached over and grabbed her hand, feeling for my sweet girl.

"I love you" I told her.

"I love you more mama, i'm sorry for your loss"

"Thank you baby"

We arrived at my mom's house, and I reminded our youngest to be quiet and gentle so as not to disturb Nicki. Together, we all walked up to Nicki's room. Giselle knocked softly on the door, and Nicki slowly turned around to see us standing there.

Nicki's face was a bit puffy from crying, but she still looked beautiful without makeup. Her loose curls framed her face as she gasped softly at the flowers and gift bag.

"This is all for me?" she said, her voice was a little raspy.

"Yes mommy open it" Brielle said handing her the gift bag as Giselle handed her the flowers.

Nicki opened the card and took time reading the little notes the kids left on there and pulled out the snacks and candle they picked out.

"Did you guys pick this out for me?" she asked, and they all nodded.

She extended her hands, and they all gave her a hug. I smiled as Nicki kissed their cheeks, making them giggle. It was clear that I needed to make things right between us.

"Hey can yall go downstairs for me, I promise you can come back and hang with mommy" I told them as they ran downstairs, Giselle looked at Nicki one more time kissing her forehead.

"I love you mom" she said before leaving.

Nicki watched them walk out before briefly looking at me and placing her snacks back in the bag, the silence was so loud and I didn't know where to start off.

"Baby, I want to apologize"

"Beyonce, please no... I can't handle this, I can't do this with you... I can't... I can't... I fucking can't," she started hyperventilating and crying, her words punctuated by sobs. I sat down, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close as she cried, her tears soaking into my shoulder.

"My baby died," she cried, her voice breaking with grief. I held her close, letting her sob into my chest, gently kissing her forehead. Suddenly, she pulled away and yelled, "IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT!" before she started punching me.

I didn't flinch, allowing her to release her anger and pain through her tears and punches. In the background, I heard my mother approach and stand by the door, her presence a silent support.

"Baby... please, stop," I said softly, but she kept crying and hitting me. I had to hold her hands gently as she looked at me with tear-stained cheeks and a red face, her pain evident in her eyes, breaking my heart.

"I'm sorry baby, I have nothing to say but i'm sorry. We're going to get through this together, i'm here for you. I'm not leaving you" I told her.

"I-I don't want to be with you anymore, Beyonce," she stuttered through tears. I glanced back at my mom, who was also wiping away her own tears, feeling the weight of the moment sink in.

"That's fine, I'm still going to be here. I'm not going anywhere," I reassured her, leaning back against the bed. She laid on my chest, sniffing as she tried to regulate her breathing, seeking comfort in our closeness.

"Please don't" she cried.

Few minutes I looked down and saw she was sleeping, I leaned my head back and sighed as a couple of tears fell down my face.