CHASING MY EX-WIFE

CHAPTER 62

Richard's POV

It wasn't in my intention to reveal how I feel about her now. In fact, I had no specific time in mind to tell her.

So I am relieved that it is out now.

Friendship is not what I want. She needs to know how much she means to me and why I can't sit still watching another man who doesn't deserve her one bit take her away.

I know I don't deserve her either, but Fernando shouldn't be an option.

I know she might never accept my feelings because of our past, but I still want her to know.

“I love you, Arabel. I have always loved you without realizing it. Letting you go made me realize how much you mean to me, and how stupid I was to have realized what we had. I know this might be hard to believe or accept, but it's the truth. I don't deserve you, and neither does Fernando. But I promise I will never hurt you again if you can give me a chance to prove myself to you.”

Her back is still with me. She is looking up and down, unsure of how to face me, or perhaps she has no idea what to say.

At least there is a tiny bit of hope in me that those feelings from our marriage will remain. Before another man took her away from me, I had to let it out.

She should know. If I didn't say it, she would never know.

“I had my man look him up. Fernando is into the production of weapons for the Silvatore family. I don't know if you know what that means, but it simply means he is a bad man. He is obviously well-to-do, but his business is not a clean one. The Silvatore family are the most dangerous men to cross paths with here. He doesn't reveal that side of himself, and it's unlikely that Caleb is aware of it either. I wouldn't mind if he went after you. I didn't even know him from anywhere until that night. Believe me, I am not making this up, but I had to do what I did to protect you from falling into the wrong hands…”

“…again just like when I fell into the wrong hands eight years ago.” Slowly, she whirls around, and our eyes meet. “You don't want me to make the same mistake twice, right? Sure, advice is accepted and appreciated. Can I go now?”

I shake my head and rush forward to grab her, but she moves away, like my touch will hurt her.

"I just said I loved you now. Didn't you hear that part?”

She looks puzzled. “When did you? If I remember clearly, you never said that to me throughout our three years of marriage.”

I closed my eyes again, remorse washing through me.

“Yes, I never did, and that was for a reason, Arabel. I swear to God, I was already falling in love with you…”

“Oh, cut the crap, man. You just told me this, so I don't have to accept Fernando. No problem. Fernando might be a bad man, but I am sure another man won't, right?”

“Arabel, listen to me. I loved you, but I kept it to myself because of her.” I shut my eyes again in shame.

Her.

“Eve Rogers?” She smirks, mischief dancing around her eyes. “Oh, I remember her. She was that sexy woman you couldn't stop obsessing over.”

Silence ensues.

“I'm sorry,” I say, unsure of how else to convince her about how I feel. “I'm terribly sorry for everything.”

I walk back dejectedly and flop to the couch, my heart heavy with a lump of dread and regrets.

She would never give me a chance. I should have known.

I knew, but the fear of rejection prevented me from telling her how I felt. I was deeply scared, and now that it's out, I'm unsure of what else to do.

Still be her friend? Sit aside and watch her be with another man.

The door opens and closes, giving me the impression that she has left the apartment. I hope she will stay home in New York for a few days, even if she doesn't stay next door, so I would have the opportunity to see her again soon.

My heart constricts against my ribcage, and I feel hot all over.

I pull off my shirt in one drape, lean backwards with a deep sigh, and close my eyes tightly.

There is a small twinge of pain in my chest as my heart beats, making me suddenly feel physically sick.

In moments like this, the memories of the one night we had always seem to rush back, reminding me of her full lips and how I kissed them with passion.

I wanted to tell her that day. After that night, I wanted to change, but a phone call pulled me up, leaving me to start thinking about my life and my promise to Eve all over again.

I didn't tell her I loved her, but I thought she knew. If I didn't, I wouldn't touch her. When Eve called that night to inform me she was coming back, I regretted my decision. I was torn between sticking to the woman I was gradually falling in love with or being man enough to fulfill my promise to another woman.

It was a tough one.

I asked myself if it was possible to love two women at a time. My feelings were mixed. My emotions were confusing. I didn't know who or what I wanted.

Eve's constant calls made me think she was the best option. Arabel, on the other hand, couldn't even look me in the eye after that night. I thought she regretted it too. I thought she must have recalled what I told her about my promise to Eve to marry her after a year. I thought she would consider that night a mistake, so I stopped thinking about it or about her.

I gave all my attention to Eve until she was back. Careful not to end up being unfaithful while in marriage to Arabel, I decided that a divorce was the best solution.

I wanted to free her from the cage of a marriage Mother put us in. I thought I was doing us both a favor.

I thought she was going to be grateful for the consideration. I thought she was going to be glad that I had eventually become confident enough to go against my mother.

But I was wrong. All my assumptions were wrong. I should have asked her. Our communication skills were very bad. She should have told me how she felt.

She loved me, and she was hurt that I asked her for a divorce.

“Eve was at your mother's party the other day, did you invite her?” Her voice breaks into my thoughts, and I flutter my eyes open to see her sitting in front of me.

I turn towards the door and then return my attention to her. I thought she was gone. How did she move so quietly that I didn't even know she was right in front of me?

“What? Of course not!”

She nods, as if she understands that I would never do that after her betrayal.

“Mother told me she cheated on you with Jake,” she says, watching me with curiosity. I dart my eyes away and nod. “I understand that you did all you could to keep the promise you made to her without realizing she was a cheat.”

Really? My eyes bulge open.

Then she shakes her head. “But I am sorry, Richard. A second chance is not possible. I can't look at you without thinking about how deeply you hurt me. I can't hear your name without remembering everything that happened between us. Having to see you come check on Daisy is already enough torture. If I had my way, I would avoid you totally, but I didn't because you are Daisy's father, and I can't deny her knowing who you are. Whether I date another man or not shouldn't be your problem henceforth. Divorce is the separation and termination of a marriage. Our marriage ended, as did our story together. Moving on should be our focus. You can find yourself some girls, get remarried, or go out on dates while I follow suit. That way, we don't need to keep thinking about our past or remember how much it once hurt. I believe this will help. You can't love me because I am incapable of loving someone in return. My heart is dead. So please, don't ever tell me you love me. If you do, it won't help me forget the past I am trying so hard to get rid of. It will remind me of how much love and effort I exerted in our marriage, yet it failed. It will make me feel like a failure and a fool for being in a one-sided marriage. Don't blame yourself, I know things are beyond you, and I respect you for not wanting to cheat on me. That would have broken me.”

Her voice breaks at the end, and I sit, shocked to the bones at her words.

An epistle of rejection. This is what I get for being stupid enough not to know that my wife loved me with every fiber of her existence while I was thinking of another woman who had been bedded by my best friend.

“The love word is one thing I hate to hear. So please…” She trails off and stands up to leave when I get to my feet.

Her eyes move to my chest just like they did earlier, before I put on the shirt. I move back to grab the shirt when she stops me with a hand on my chest and a finger pointing towards my arm.

“Richard, what is this?” She demands with curiosity.

For a moment, I want to hide it, but I believe there is nothing to hide since I have been rejected.

This was what I got after our breakup. I believed that taking this action would alleviate my guilt, but it didn't. It worsened it. I have tried to erase it all, but to no avail.

“A tattoo? When did you get one?” Her curiosity is satisfied, but not by me, as she is critically studying the tiny dots of lines.

When she eventually makes sense of the words, her mouth drops open, and she stares up at me, stepping backward.

“Richard? What…”

“Your name,” I answer with confidence. This is what you do to me, Arabel. This is torture.

I have the name Arabella branded on my shoulder and arm. When I raise my arm up, no one can understand it.

The words are only four on the shoulder (ARAB) and four on the upper arm (ELLA).

“ARABELLA!” I announce, my tone dripping with pure pain and regret.

****

Is Richard sincere? What do you think of his confession?

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