My fighter(Matt Rempe imagines)

Nightmares(016)

I hate sleeping. I hate sleeping because of the nightmares. The nightmares that make me scream in my sleep, the ones that make me wake up crying, the ones that leave disturbing images in my head. I hate sleeping.

That's why i have huge eye bags. I don't sleep enough as i should. But whenever i'm with Matt i have to sleep. I have to sleep because if i don't he'll make me sleep. He doesn't like seeing me not sleep. I haven't slept in three days but that will change tonight.

Matt's coming over so i know he'll make me sleep. I face away from him while sleeping so maybe i can get away with it.

"I'm home." Matt says coming over to me.

He gives me a kiss on top of my head before sitting next to me.

"Gonna sleep tonight?" He asks tilting his head.

"I'm gonna try i guess." I say with a fake smile.

"I'll be there in case something happens don't worry." He gets up and goes to the kitchen.

My doctor says the nightmares come from stress. But i don't fully understand how that relates to them honestly. I've tried heavy sleeping pills, i've tried working myself out so i get really tired, i tried medication but nothing works. Literally nothing.

I genuinely think something's mentally wrong with me. I've asked my doctors if i need to go to a physic ward for a couple days so they can help me, but they said no.

So i'm most likely stuck having nightmares for the rest of my life. Which absolutely sucks. If i had one wish it would be to get rid of them. But that won't happen anytime soon sadly.

"You okay?" Matt asks waving a hand in front of my face.

"Yeah why?" I say looking up at him.

"I've been asking you if the nightmares have gotten better for the last five minutes." He says slightly laughing.

"No not really." I say embarrassedly.

"Hey it's okay, no need to get embarrassed." He sits down and pulls me into his lap.

I put my arms around his neck and give him a sad smile.

"Sometimes i just feel like something is wrong with me." I say looking away to avoid eye contact.

"Nothing is wrong with you, i promise." He says before giving me a soft kiss.

I only smile at him. I don't know how to respond to something like that.

I get up and go to the bathroom. I splash water on my face thinking it'll make me feel better. I get a towel and dry my face off. I go to the bedroom and sit on the bed.

Matt comes in and sits next to me He lays down and gets on his phone. He's probably watching tiktok or on instagram. I slowly lay down next to him.

I don't close my eyes i only stare at the ceiling fan. I watch it go in circles. I watch it spin around so i can take my mind off things.

My eyes slowly get heavy as i watch the fan. The more heavy they get the more i try to fight the urge to close them. I fight and fight and fight until i give in.

•••

"Y/N!! Y/N!" I wake up to Matt shaking me.

I stare at him. His eye's are wide, eyebrows lifted high, mouth slightly opened.

"What?" I say with my voice cracking.

I feel my face and realize i'm crying. I look at him in panic.

"It happened again didn't it?"

"You started shaking then it went to crying then to screaming." He says sitting down next to me.

"I'm so sorry." I say crying.

"Don't be it's okay." He pulls me close and i'm now crying into his chest.

He's holding me and all i can think about is how awful it must be to deal with me. Like seriously. Who stays with someone who has nightmares every night and wakes up screaming?

When i pull away he takes his thumbs and wipes away my tears.

"I don't even remember the dream." I say with tears falling down my cheeks.

"It's okay i promise." He releases me i lay down again.

"I don't want to sleep again." I say stern.

"It's okay, you can i'll be here." He runs his hands through me hair.

The more he runs his hands through my hair the more tired i get. I keep fighting it again. But i know Matt wants me to sleep.

He moves from my hair to my back. He rubs my back then lays down next to me. He spoons me to where he's holding onto me.

My eyes are heavy yet again and i'm fighting to keep them open. The more i fight the more tired i get. I give in and fall asleep again.

I'm at home on the couch, watching tv with Matt. I'm not even watching tv really, just admiring Matt. The way his hair looks, or his smile and the way he laughs. Just everything is perfect.

Everything is perfect until Matt's on the floor. He's on the floor and he isn't breathing. I'm freaking out not knowing what to do.

I get on the floor next to him. I'm crying so hard i feel like i can't breathe. When i go to place my hand on his chest everything falls away. I'm now in a pitch black room.

I scream for help but no answer. I scream again and no answer. I keep screaming and screaming and screa-

I fly up. I'm breathing heavy again. Matt is already up and rubbing my back once again.

"What was it?" He says before kissing my temple.

"You were fine, then you weren't then i was all alone in a dark room." I'm not crying this time but shaking.

My voice is trembling and i feel weak. My fingers feel numb and my throat feels tight.

"It's not real, i'm right here i promise." He grabs me again and holds me.

"I'm sorry." I say looking at him.

"Sorry for what?" He says confused.

"For this, for this mess i am." I say looking myself up and down.

"You are not a mess, you just have flaws that's all." He smiles at me then gives me a soft kiss.

I realize now Matt never looked at the nightmares as a job to take care of, he looked at them as simple flaws that could be fixed.

He didn't leave, he chose to stay even after i had told him about them. He loves me for me and i'm so thankful for that.

Nightmares will happen and i know he'll be here to help whenever they do.