Islan-Dise

Chose You

Islan
~~~~~~

"You sure?" We sit together at the shelter. Mrs. Dale pulled some strings so we could stay for a couple nights.

"Yes. I have to get a job." Tre reads over a dental
receptionist application.

"I'm starting back at Burger King tomorrow."

"Are you sure you're okay to return to work?" He looks at me with pity.

"I can't have you with no roof and food. Ready or not, um going back." I touch his thigh but he moves my hand. "It's a habit. Sorry."

"It's okay."

It wasn't okay. I haven't been allowed to touch him for a few days. I respected him wanting to process everything, but sad about the countdown. I was going away in a week and a half. Tre still had no idea
and now with his dad kicking him out and cutting him off financially, I was stressed. How could I leave him in this fucked up position?

The thing is even before all of this I could never afford to take care of him. I could never provide him with the luxury lifestyle he deserves. I was able to come through for a couple nights at the shelter, but after this I have enough for a few nights at a hotel and then we'd be sleeping in his car. It was probably a waste of time going back to working, knowing I was going in soon, but I could leave him with something.

I lay backwards on my hands in the rickety twin full size bed.

"Going to bed?" My favorite voice speaks exhaustively.

"You ain't really fuckin with me, so yeah."

He stands up with his laptop, walking it over to the small table in the room. "This isn't easy for me either."

"You lookin out for you. I been told you to. It's a cold world out here. Protect you. Fuck everyone else."

"It's not fuck you Islan. I need time, but that isn't saying I'm done with you. Also, while you throwing your pity party, make some room for my feelings."

"You won't even look at me."

"You just don't know what a person confused and hurt looks like. Do you?" His voice was rough, almost lacking the ability to speak.

"I never meant to hurt you."

He laughs sarcastically. "That's literally, exactly, what you meant to do."

I pull a pillow over my face and scream into it. "I am sorry Tre."

"I said okay, Islan."

"Cept you ain't okay."

"I have enough money to pay first, last and security. Maybe, pay up rent a month or two, when we find a place. After that my hands are tied. I think we need to push aside 'us' for now and focus on surviving."

"How, when the only reason I'm surviving is because there is an 'us'."

"You have any night clothes I can wear? I'm ready to shower and rest my eyes. My head is starting to pound."

I stand up. "It's not no Balmain but follow me."

I take him to this small closet where they keep donated clothes. There's a box Mrs. Dale saved of my clothes. I pull out a faded graphic t-shirt and some pajama pants. "Here."