Islan-Dise

Live without

Zay
~~~~~

I thought I was dreaming but there was no mistaking I was awakened to whimpers. I pull back the cover and it's my love. "Angel," I touch his face.

He tries to speak but instead more tears. I pull him into my arms. "What's the matter?"

"Ion know...wish I could tell you but I don't fuckin know." He hugs tightly on to me.

"Is it cause we?"

"Na, no." He answers quickly.

"If you really wasn't ready, I'm sorry. I would never do anything to-"

He covers my mouth. "It ain't that Zay. I could never regret shit with you."

I kiss his fingers. "Then what baby?"

"I ain't never just really think about any of this. My mama, not growing up with a dad, being split up from my brothers and sisters. Wasn't shit normal bout my life man."

"No, it wasn't."

"But I think bout yo folks and all the good shit they did fah you. I think bout how they actually give a fuck about'chu. And it messes with me cause, I see nie I wish I had that shit." He cries a little harder. "I told myself fah so long what I dealt with as a jit wasn't really gon matter much when I was older."

I rub his back. "I'm sorry. If I had one wish I would go back in time and save you sooner."

"Fuck Zay." He smiles. "You and yo good ass heart."

I laugh, wiping his tears. "Let it out Angel. You have been holding it all in. Your feelings are safe with me."

He pauses for a second and looks at me. "Crazy thing is I never thought they wasn't safe with you." He goes to sit up but tenses up. "Shit."

I smirk. "Take it easy today." I massaged his lower back.

"You think this shit a lil funny...nigga whole ass fucked up and you smiling."

"Let me be good because I don't want you to get mad and withhold it from me because I loved it so damn much."

He turns his face. "Come on man...don't embarrass a nigga."

I pull his back to me and squeeze him. I kiss in his neck. "Sorry, but I would never tell you a lie...it was better than any words I have."

"You prolly fucked plenty niggas."

"I have." I admit.

"What?"

"I fucked plenty but I've only ever made love to one." I smile as his body softens.

"Funny, cause I was like damn he don't care at all. But I like that you love me. I like that you wanna be with me and not that I wouldn't chase you but um glad I never needed to."

"I don't know what it was about seeing your photos that day Dre was explaining your situation to me."

"I wanted to beat yo ass the first time we met." I hear the laughter in his voice.