When you love me

Fear

My mom and I wake up a little earlier than usual and head to the hospital to visit Lauren. I'm so nervous, not knowing what to expect. When we entered the room. I see Ryan sleeping on a makeshift bed across two sofas next to his mother, who is reading a book while receiving medication. Lauren looks pale, her fragility evident. She sees us and smiles.

— It's good to see you two together! - she says.

— How are you? — my mother asks her.

— I am fine. — Lauren lies. — So this is the famous Jennie. She's prettier than I saw in the photos, Marie.

My mother looks at me, pulling me by the arm to get closer to Marie.

"Hi." I tell her.

— Hey my dear. I'm very happy to see you in person. Her mother talked about you so much that it's as if she already knew you. Thanks for coming.

— I'm going to see the doctor. — my mother says, leaving the room and leaving me alone, Lauren.

I look at Ryan, who falls asleep peacefully, as if nothing in the world could disturb his deep sleep.

— He stayed up all night. I asked him to go home, to rest, but he refuses.

— He is very worried. I wouldn't leave his side either, if it were... my mother.

Lauren smiles, her eyes kind and friendly.

— How are you feeling? — I ask, coming out of a wave of new and unfamiliar feelings for me.

— I have good and bad days. — she responds, closing the book and looking at me with more interest. — Ryan talked a lot about you, you know? I think you are special to him.

My face turns red and I look back at Ryan, still sleeping so peacefully.

— Did he talk about me?

Lauren smiles.

— Yes. He mentioned how strong and determined you are, how you're trying to reconnect with your mother and deal with everything that's going on. Ryan talks a lot about his feelings, but when he talked about you, his eyes lit up in a special way. I've never seen him like this.

I'm speechless, absorbing what Lauren said. The fact that Ryan thinks about me makes me question everything, but he warms my heart in ways I didn't expect.

— I do not even know what to say. — I murmur, still looking at Ryan. — He has helped me a lot since I arrived. I don't know what would have become of me if it hadn't been for him.

— I'm sure he must feel the same as you. — Lauren says softly. — He may not admit it easily, but it's obvious to a mother who knows her son well. He's... going through a lot right now.

I nod, understanding the depth of his words.

— I want to be here for him, for whatever he needs. — I say.

She smiles, satisfied with my answer.

— This means a lot to him, Jennie. And for me too.

At that moment, Ryan stirs and opens his eyes, blinking sleepily. When he sees me, a sleepy, confused smile appears on his face.

— Jennie? Why are you here?

— I came to visit your mother. — I try to look casual. — And see you too, of course.

My mother returns with the doctor, who begins to talk about Lauren's condition and the next steps in treatment. Ryan holds his mother's mother, and I stand by, wanting to comfort him—feeling concern and hope and something deeper and indefinable, something that grows every time I'm near him.