When you love me

Give a break

After being seen with Cole by Ryan, I can't find him anywhere. The messages I send go unanswered, and his absence begins to weigh on my mind. I decide to visit Lauren in the hospital while my mom gets some rest at home, hoping she can give me some insight into what's going on with Ryan. And hoping that he shows up at the hospital and we can talk.

When I enter the room, I see Lauren lying on the bed, pale, but with a faint smile on her face when she sees me.

— Hi, Jennie. — she says, with a soft tone. — Glad you came.

I sit next to him and hold his hand.

— Hi, Lauren. How are you feeling today?

She sighs, her eyes reflecting a mix of tiredness and serenity.

— I have my ups and downs, but I'm holding on tight.

We spent a few minutes in light conversation before I worked up the courage to ask what I really wanted.

— Lauren, I wanted to talk about Ryan. I've felt like he's pulling away from me, and I don't know what to do.

She looks at me with understanding.

— Ryan is a sensitive boy; He carries a lot of weight on his shoulders, especially now. He loves me more than anything, and that makes him vulnerable.

I take a deep breath, feeling a lump in my throat.

— I know he's going through a lot. I just wanted to be there for him, but he doesn't seem to want that at the moment.

Lauren squeezes my hand gently.

— Jennie, he needs you more than ever, even if he doesn't know how to show it. Be there for him, even when he tries to walk away. He's going to need someone to trust when I... when I'm no longer here.

Her words hit me hard, and I try to hold back the tears.

— You are afraid? Of dying? What comes next?

She looks up at the ceiling, her eyes are shining with a quiet wisdom.

— The fear is there, yes, but there is also acceptance. We all face our end someday. What matters is how we live until then. I want my last days to be filled with love and peace, and I want Ryan to find the strength to move forward after I'm gone.

I can't hold back the tears any longer and I let them run down my face.

"I promise I'll be there for him, Lauren. I will do my best to make sure he doesn't feel alone.

She smiles, squeezing my hand tightly.

— Thank you, Jennie. It means more to me than you can imagine, Just be patient with it. Ryan is strong, but sometimes he needs a push to remember that.

We spent more time together, talking about happy memories and future dreams. When my mother returns to the hospital, I say goodbye to Lauren, feeling strangely determined. I will be by Ryan's side no matter what.

I leave the hospital with a new resolve. I know Ryan is going through a terribly difficult time, and I want to be the rock he can lean on, even if he walks away, I won't give up on him. I need to find a way to show you that I'm here, ready to help you face whatever lies ahead.

I remembered the part of the beach where we went, and it was our first night. I take my mother's car from the garage and go there. As I suspected, Ryan's truck is parked a few feet from the shore. I get out of the car and follow the trail to the narrow entrance between two high rocks, giving way to another part of the beach, which I only now realize is difficult to imagine such a place existing, as the two rocks give the illusion that they are one. only.

I see Ryan sitting on the sand, looking out to sea, completely lost in thought. He is wearing a wetsuit and has a board next to him. I quickly remember Ryan commenting about surfing on this side of the beach, which was dangerous because of the rocks.

I run to him, who notices my presence and ignores me.

— Why are you here? — he asks, without looking at me.

—Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing.

— Jen, I'm not in the mood to talk. I just want to be alone.

— But we need to talk, because we don't have time for you to throw a tantrum right now.

He looks at me, glares at me.

— You hide from me that my mother... is going to die, and now you say I'm throwing a tantrum. — His eyes get teary — Leave me alone, please.

— No. I promised Lauren I would stay by his side.

— How many promises have you made, Jennie? — He says, in a sarcasm tone.

— Ryan, I know you're mad at me, so I'll let you take all your anger out on me, but this is no time for you to disappear! I'd rather you insult me ​​than ignore me. All I ask is that you don't disappear, and your mother needs you.

He swallows hard.

— How did you know I would be here? — he questions.

— I pay attention to everything you say, Ryan. I pay attention to everything that fascinates and worries you. These last few weeks have been the craziest of my life, so yes, I remember you saying that this is kind of your private world. And we... we had a moment here.

—So do you remember how much seeing you with Cole irritates me?

I look at him, to see if he was really serious.

—Cole is worried about you. — I say.

— Just as you were worried about Sarah when I caught them together?

Hey?

— What are you saying?

— He never told you about the thing he had with Sarah?

— No, he didn't, and if you want to know, I don't care, Ryan. Cole and I are friends, and he knows how important you are to me. Don't try to paint him as a villain now, because we don't have time for that.

— You don't understand, do you?

— I understand you have a problem with Cole and Sarah. But as far as I know, you didn't end up with that.

— Yeah, we didn't finish that, but... Once we finished, they didn't waste any time.

— Can we forget about Cole and talk about ourselves? It seems like you want to push me away anyway, and you're using Cole to do it.

— Jennie, we can't talk right now. I just want... to be alone. I need to think about a lot of things, and... I need to digest the fact that you hid something so important from me. I'm angry... I thought we had a relationship of trust, and now I don't know what we have.

— You want to break up, is that it?

— I don't know, Jennie. Maybe it's better for us to take a break, go our separate ways...

— Are you seriously saying that? Are you really breaking up with me?

— Maybe it is.

— You're an asshole, Ryan!

I get up and get out of there as quickly as I can. Being around Ryan will only make things worse between us, and I feel too hurt to keep the promise I made to Lauren. Maybe I'm not the one Ryan needs.