When you love me

Another version

Lauren stays in the hospital for a few days. My mother stays with her, and I think it's so that Ryan doesn't find out about his mother's true condition, and that makes me feel guilty all the time, even though I understand Lauren's intentions, in sparing her son the pain and wanting to end his days. with happier memories, not with the image of him crying, and her in a hospital bed wasting away.

Ryan and I grew closer. We spent more time together, surfing and seeing his friends. Sarah saw us together walking through the city, I thought she was going to make a scene, the kind where she embarrasses a corpse, but she just gave a challenging look and turned her back, as if she was ignoring us.

— At some point you will have to know. — says Ryan, as we walk along one of the busiest streets in the city.

— I'm not ready yet.

— Jennie, it's your mother's gallery. I would say it was her whole life there.

I lower my head, trying to find an argument that will convince him that seeing my mother's most personal space, a gallery of her photos, is too big a step for me, because I'm taking it slow with everything, even him, because I'll be heading back to Montana soon.

— We can leave that for another time. Let me prepare myself, mentally, you know?

He presses a soft kiss on your forehead.

— Right, you always beat me. — he says, with a cute little smile at the corner of his mouth.

I like how Ryan smiles, how he looks at the sea, and runs his hand through his hair when he's anxious. I like how he makes me feel, the certainty he gives me that there is a place in the world for me, and for both of us. Cannon Beach is our place. And some other place is just mine, just a little bit.

— I visited my father in jail. — Ryan says.

— Is that why you left so early and spent hours outside?

— I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was just... putting my ideas together.

— All good. — I shook his hand, in an attempt to make him feel that everything was really okay. - And how it was?

— Well, it was... difficult. He asked me to see him, but I hesitated, I didn't want to deal with him, for my mother and for everything he put her through.

—Ryan...

— I know, he is my father, for all intents and purposes. But he didn't create me, Jen. He disappeared when Hailey and I were children, then he showed up full of debt, asking for money, and started stealing from us, from time to time. I was already tired of him.

— I'm very sorry.

— I asked him to leave me alone, and told him about my mother being sick. —Ryan sighs. — He wasn't moved, Jen. He didn't care, and he doesn't really care about us. I told him that Hailey died, and he didn't even remember that I had a twin sister.

— Like this?

—That's what you heard. He doesn't remember Hailey. How can this be? How does a father forget he had twins?

— That's so... I don't even know what to say.

— He wanted to see me to ask me for money. He said there are some guys after him, debt collectors, and apparently, gambling collectors. He didn't want to see me to apologize, to show even a little bit of remorse. This irritates me so much...

— What if the guys come after you?

— Do not go. I already told the police everything. The delegate is Daniel, Trevor's father, and he promised to keep an eye on it. He knows the whole city.