When you love me

Trust

I wake up to a noise. I realize I fell asleep with the book on top of me. I slowly open my eyes and see Ryan entering the room. He is exhausted.

—Ryan.

— Hey.

He snuggles up to me in bed. I think he's so exhausted that he's not thinking straight.

— How was it at the police station? I ask him.

— It was exhausting. I had to give all the information and tell them that he was my father, and convince them that despite being my father, he was a thief. I kept repeating the story, it seemed like they didn't want to understand, until they pulled the plug and saw that I wasn't joking. — he sighs. — It was kind of embarrassing.

— And how do you feel?

— I don't know for sure, I just know that I'm tired, Jennie. Tired of my father, tired of the damn life he leads, and all this repulsion he feeds in me. I don't want to see him anymore.

— Will he be arrested?

— He's in custody. As it is not the first time, nor the first crime he commits... The arrest was in the act. Now it's with the public defender's office, but I doubt he'll leave anytime soon. — He says, sighing deeply.

— I'm really sorry about all this, Ryan.

— You know, I can't believe that if I lose my mother, I'll only have this guy in the world. Like, there will only be him left as a family. This is so...it sucks.

— You won't lose your mother. And he doesn't have it in the world. My mother loves you too, and she has me.

— You love me? — he asks.

— What?

— You... no, nevermind.

— I heard your question. I just... I know I'm attracted to you, I think from the first moment I saw you.

He smiled.

— I looked incredibly sexy. — he plays.

— He was lost, immersed in his melancholy. I think I recognized you in me, like... another lost part. I do not know how to explain.

— I think I started going crazy about you as soon as I saw your photo. It never left my mind.

— You said the photo is in my mother's room, right?

— Yes.

I get up, stepping over him, who looks at me. His gray-green eyes seem to penetrate my entire being. The heat of his body invades me, drawing me to him, to us.

— Where are you going...

— I... — I can't complete the sentence, because I'm hypnotized, paralyzed, as if nothing in me works on its own anymore.

Ryan brings his face closer and his lips touch mine. It's an intense, fiery, deep and overwhelming kiss. I want to dive into him, I want him to dive into me, that's all I need.

He hugs me, involving my entire body, his kisses intensify, and I give myself to them, as if I needed to survive, as if he were my food and I was terribly hungry. I think he does too.

His hands slide under my shirt and I freeze. He continues kissing me, but I have my eyes open, feeling his hands invade me. I can't continue. Jacob visits my thoughts and I stand up, suddenly, scaring Ryan.

— I... I don't... I'm sorry... — I try to formulate a complete sentence, but I can't. I'm too scared to face him.

— I'm sorry, Jennie, I should have... stopped. I'm really sorry.