When you love me

Now and ever

My mom and I went shopping together. Ryan took Lauren to visit his dad, so we're on edge about that. We avoided talking about the subject, because my mother tried to dissuade Lauren from the idea, as her health is poor. We are afraid of something happening and being present. This is my mother's biggest fear, but we understand that this moment is for Lauren to resolve her issues while she is still breathing, to make peace with her life before leaving, and that this is important for her.

I'm in one of the stores, while I wait for my mother to buy what she needs in others. I explore the different options of beach items, choosing two bikinis and a swim cover-up. I pass the checkout and my mother appears next to me, with a wide and mysterious smile.

— What it was? I ask.

— I always wondered what it would be like to shop with you. I'm really happy. — She says — Here, this is for you.

She hands me a bag, a wrapped box, which she takes out of the bag.

— What is that?

— Open it.

I tear off the paper that must not have been carefully wrapped for thirty minutes. It's a camera.

— Mom, that's...

— It's the best model, it's for you to perfect your talent.

— Is perfect! It cost! I really liked it. — I don't even know what to say, because our relationship is still strange.

— Take good photos with her.

— It can leave.

I pay for my purchase and we go to have lunch at the nearby restaurant. We talked about my school, and about Suzy and Nick. She wanted to know if my father is happy, and what my friends are like. It's sad to talk about the friends I don't have, and how school has been torture for me since Lori went over to the mean girl side. What can I tell my mother? Do I invent a happy life so she won't worry, or feel less guilty for abandoning me?

— School is like any other, with strange classmates and boring teachers. — I reply.

— And have you thought about what course you want to take when you go to college?

— I wasn't thinking about anything, but lately I've been thinking about studying Photography. I'm good at the Arts and design course, and I took some photography classes some time ago. I can do it again and... prepare.

— I'm glad you're thinking about pursuing this career. Do you see yourself working with photography?

— I see myself taking a lot of photos, discovering the world through lenses, but I don't know if I'll be good enough to pursue it as a career.

— Jennie, I thought so too. I always felt like I wasn't good enough, even if I was told otherwise. I only became convinced that I was capable when I held my first exhibition. And it was... scary. Happy, but scary, because I realized that my work is, above all, intense and profound. It's not just photography, it's how you see the world, how you see things, it's your way of translating what you see.

— I... had stopped taking photographs some time ago, because my father always said that he remembered you. — I reveal.

— Did that... bother you? Does it still bother you?

— It used to bother... But it doesn't bother me anymore, and I think I even like being compared. They said your photos are amazing.

— I will make an exhibition soon, and you will confirm it. I hope you enjoy. — She sips the orange juice, pausing briefly. — How about we do an exhibition together.

— An exhibition? But I still don't know if... the photos are that good.

— Are you kidding? I saw some of your photos and was impressed. Jennie, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are talented.

— Can I think about it?

— Clear.

When we return home, we see that Lauren's car is in the driveway. My mother and I looked at each other, worried.

We enter the house and find Lauren and Ryan, talking to Adam while Sophia is distracted by her dolls. As soon as we step into the room, everyone looks at us.

— You arrived. — Adam says, and smiles at my mother, as if they were confiding something just by looking at them.

Ryan gets up and comes over to me, taking the bags from my hand and kisses me.

— How was the shopping? — Lauren asks, showing a smile.

— We bought you gifts. — my mother says, handing some bags to Lauren and others to Adam and Ryan. Lastly, to Sophie, who thought she wouldn't have any gifts. Always have.

Ryan opens the gift and smiles.

— A wetsuit. — he says, opening the clothes for everyone to see.

— It's to match mine. — I kiss him.

— I liked. - he says.

Lauren opened hers. It's a picture frame made by a local artisan, and my mother really likes his work. She said Lauren wanted a picture frame, so she bought one.

— It's beautiful, Marie. Is very beautiful. — Lauren murmurs. — I'll put the best photo on it.

— Choose the photo carefully. — my mother says, winking.

Adam got a leather wallet. According to my mother, Adam likes to get wallets, and buys several, becoming almost an obsession.

— Thanks. — Adam says, giving my mother a hug.

Sophie runs over to me, holding a doll box. A Barbie, which she had been asking my mother for.

— Look, Jennie, it's a Barbie! — shows Sophie, completely happy with the gift, smiling non-stop. — Let's play with dolls!

—Later, cutie. I'm a little tired right now, but I promise we'll play later. He is well?

She shakes her head and goes back to her collection of dolls spread out in her toy corner.

I look at Lauren who is pale, her expression changes from one moment to the next. I look at my mother, who notices my concern.

— I go home. — Lauren says, almost in a whisper.

She gets up with effort, takes two steps and faints.

We took Lauren to the hospital, and it was clear we feared the worst. While she was examined, we stayed in the waiting room. Ryan is restless, can't sit still, and is eager for news. I try to calm him down, but it's in vain, he doesn't listen to me. On the other hand, my mother is silent, and I know she is suffering, and she can't say anything. I'm sitting, feeling anguished and afraid, wondering if the time has come, that moment when everything becomes strange and makes us doubt that something divine exists.

A doctor appears, asking for Lauren's family, and we join him.

— Mrs. Foster's condition is delicate. - She says. — We need to monitor her and she is currently sedated.

— Like this? And the treatment? — Ryan questions.

— We are carrying out tests, we will do everything we can to help her recover. — the doctor limits himself to saying, Lauren probably asked him not to say anything in Ryan's presence.

— Can we see her? I ask.

— She needs to rest, so I advise you to see her later. As I said, she is sedated, out of concern. As soon as we have news, I'll... let you know. — She says, leaving.

— Thank you, doctor. — My mother thanks her, and she starts crying.

My mom gets up and heads out into the hallway, and Adam follows her. Ryan and I were left, staring at each other. His eyes are red, I know he wants to cry, but I think he's scared, as if he's confirming what he fears most.