When you love me

Plans

We spent the night at the beach. Our first night together, in an intense, passionate way, that I never thought I would experience one day. Ryan was perfect, patient and very affectionate, like every girl dreams and expects from a guy.

I ask myself all the time if I deserve it, because sometimes I don't feel like I measure up. Ryan seems like one of those characters in books and movies, who are perfect, beautiful and in love. Now I understand the fact that many girls try to achieve it, it's like competing in a very important championship and fighting for a trophy. Not that he's a trophy. Ryan is much more than that to me. And I hope he knows that.

— Good morning. — he says, his voice hoarse and seductive.

— Good morning. — my face flushes when I realize that we are naked, somewhere on the beach and the day has already dawned.

— We'd better get dressed. — I suggest, checking all sides.

— Relax. There's no one on the beach at this time, Jen.

He presses a soft kiss to my forehead, then my lips.

— Are you well? Any regrets, discomfort? — he asks.

— You're cute. I am fine. — I smile at him, to show that I don't regret last night at all, and I would make the same choice again. - And you?

— I? It was the best night of my life. For a guy, you can't explain the meaning it had for me. You were perfect, Jen.

— I am happy.

He looks at me, with those deep, gray-green eyes.

— I think I'm in love with you, like for real. I admit that I'm a little scared of the speed of things between us, but I've never felt this happy.

I smile, feeling my heart speed up, until it hurts. Ache with happiness. Is it possible for a heart to hurt because it is very happy? I don't know, because that's how I feel.

— I'm crazy about you, Ryan! — I exclaim.

— Oh, God, don't play with me like that! I go crazy! — he shouts, all happy and hugs me, like really tight and long.

— You're going to crush me like this. — I murmur with my head against his chest.

— As soon as my mother recovers, we can travel. — my chest hurts now hearing that. — I don't know what it will be like from now on, but even if I go back to Montana, I can visit you, and you too. Or... you can stay here for good. I think your mom would love it.

I don't know what to say, because I haven't thought about it yet. I try not to think about when I'll leave, because I already knew it would only be a few days and I'd be back home. It was agreed, and I didn't expect anything to change the plans. It's not a bad idea for me to stay in Cannon Beach, but I don't know if I'm ready to live with my mother and the abyss that still exists between the two of us. Plus, Ryan thinks Lauren will recover, which unfortunately won't happen unless there's a miracle.

— I'll think about it. — I say, my voice a little withered. I think he understands.

— You and your mother need to sort it out.

— Yeah, but she barely stops at home, and I don't blame her. She wants to be by her mother's side. I would be too, and nothing in the world would be more important than that.

— You say I'm cute, but you're also really cute when you say things like that.

— Let's not think about that now. We had an amazing night, I don't want anything to ruin it. — I almost beg him to change the subject, because I feel like I'm going to reveal the truth to him about Lauren's health. And I hate lying. I hate keeping important things from him even more.