Fate | Baldwin IV

judham

A clap of thunder roared around somewhere far away, making me turn my gaze towards the window, where I could see the approaching stormy weather outside. The sky darkened as the distant rumbles echoed through the stone walls, the trees outside swaying in the wind. I watched as the gloom washed over the city in daytime with absent eyes while his haunted ones kept my mind occupied. A sigh left my lips as I twirled my hair around my bandaged finger, still thinking about the king after that night of our meeting. It had left me distracted, and deeply yearning for that same excitement I felt when I looked upon him.

It felt wrong, so wrong, to harbor such feelings towards someone whom I had admired so much and considered to be almost too holy...So why was my heart betraying my mind?

The more I spent time with him, the more I began to catch a glimpse of the man behind the duty, and behind the mask. Yes, he was a man, flesh and blood, and not just an idea of a man. But he was also...gentle, and kind. Maybe I was supposed to feel ashamed, but I didn't. Lord knew how I felt. How could I deny it?

Well, I had to. I was in no position to seek something from him anyway. I shook my head, trying to get those thoughts off my mind. It was wrong.

The room felt stifling, the air thick with humidity. I stood up from my seat and decided to walk around to keep my mind off of him. Aisha had been busy attending to her other duties, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Perhaps the library would provide the escape that I needed from the storm brewing both outside and within my heart.

I made my way towards the royal library of the palace with slow steps, not feeling any urge to hurry. The corridors were quiet and dim, as if everyone else had already sheltered themselves from the much needed rain. It had been a while since I felt this way, as much as it was depressing, a part of me had missed the colder season.

I entered the library quietly, so as to not disturb the calmness of its ambiance, even though it was only me and the forgotten entities floating around. The light streaming through the window high up the walls wasn't strong enough, but it would have to do regardless. I wandered through the aisles, the vast shelves filled with countless books. My fingers brushed the spines of them as I searched for something to capture my interest. The thunder grew louder, and the rain began to pelt against the windows, creating a rhythmic backdrop to my exploration.

To my disappointment, the aisles mostly contained books of knowledge on various subjects instead of stories that would help ease my mind. I took several books one by one, examined them for a few moments and then put them back. Nothing seemed to interest me.

As I was going through yet another one, the door to the library swung open and a man with a turban wrapped around his head and a candle in his hand made a move to step inside. Upon seeing me there, his eyes widened as if he saw something he shouldn't have. Startled, he muttered "Astaghfirullah" to himself before he turned to leave the room immediately and close the door behind.

"Wait!" I called out, stopping the man in his tracks. "You are...the king's physician."

He turned, his expression calm but curious. "Yes." he spoke, his Arabic accent thick.

I hesitated, looking at his questioning eyes. "Can I ask you about his..."

"...judham?" he raised an eyebrow, finishing my sentence.

With a tilt of my head, I furrowed my brows.

"His illness." he clarified, seeing my expression.

I nodded appreciatively. "Ah, yes."

It was his turn to furrow his brows. "Why do you want to know about it?" His tone was cautious, almost guarded.

My shoulders tensed defensively. "I want to understand him better."