Fate | Baldwin IV

the disease

The kiss was soft, delicate at first.

I closed my eyes, savoring the sweet taste of it, feeling the warmth of his mouth on mine. My arms instinctively wrapped around his neck, and I pulled him closer as he gently melted into my chest, the subtle touch of his arms grazing my sides sending shivers down my spine. A soft, almost quiet moan escaped his lips as he inclined his head, tentatively brushing his tongue against mine in slow motions.

Gravy, who had been peacefully curled up beside me, suddenly stirred, his tiny body wriggling out from under the blanket. The puppy darted away just in time as Baldwin's upper body pressed more firmly against mine, his weight sinking into me as his passion took hold.

He pulled back momentarily, and I could see his pulse quickening, the longing and desire in his eyes growing when he looked down at me, his breathing ragged. For a moment, he lifted his hand to my cheek, his fingers tracing a tender line down to my jaw before sliding back to tangle in my hair. The touch was possessive, as if he were anchoring himself to me, holding me close as he leaned in with force once more, deepening the kiss.

Then, it was intense, passionate, brutal.

I felt my stomach flipping inside as the tension was released from my body with each clash of our lips, the sounds of two mouths sloppily uniting filling the space.

But just as suddenly as the kiss had intensified, he broke away, pulling himself back.

I opened my eyes, my heart still racing yet my mind slowed down as if intoxicated. His chest heaved, his breath coming in short, uneven gasps as he stared at me blankly, his body hovering over mine. "God," he murmured, his voice strained, "why did you kiss me back?"

I blinked, still reeling from the sudden shift in his demeanor. I propped myself up on my elbows. "What do you mean?"

"You shouldn't kiss me on the lips," he said, his tone laced with something close to panic. "It's dangerous."

I stared at him, incredulous. "You kissed me first!"

"Not on the lips!" His voice cracked with frustration. "Jesus, do you have no fear?"

My brows furrowed as I stared at him, speechless. "You can't expect me to stay still when you come and kiss me out of nowhere," I retorted, my voice rising. "What am I, a doll?"

"You should be still! You should pull away, even," he insisted as he stood up, turning away from me. His eyes flashed with something akin to desperation as his chest rose and fell rapidly, his emotions barely contained. "I am stupid enough not to hold myself back. Don't be like me."

I straightened up slowly, shaking my head. "I don't understand you..." I managed to say, my voice trailing off.

"Look, this is hell—this disease," he turned back to me, his expression pained. "I can bear it, but you can't," he mumbled as he took a step closer, his gaze softening. "I want to kiss you, I do, but I can't put you at risk."

"This is also hell! You're here but I can't touch you," I shrugged, my voice coming out louder than intended. "Why even bother with marriage, when we can't be together after all?"

He paused, staring at me as if the words hit him like a physical blow. "It's either I marry you or I marry you off to someone else!" he snapped, his voice desperate. "No way I'm marrying you off to someone else," he added, an apologetic look crossing his face as if having come to his senses.

I watched as he took a deep breath to steady himself, stepping closer to me. "Please," he muttered, his eyes searching mine for understanding. "I'm already damned. I can't bear to see you suffer because of me on top of everything else."