Her reason: Bellamy Blake

Chapter 19

Staring at the wall is a new hobby of mine.

I don't feel like doing anything.

I rub my nose as tears unwillingly fall down my face. The door creaks open and I freeze, closing my eyes and shoving my tear stained face in the bed.

"Amy? Are you awake?" I ignore him knowing if I speak my voice will be a dead giveaway that I've been crying.

He shuffles around. I hear his jacket set on a chair and his shoes come off as the bed dips him laying down next to me.

I bite down my lip as the tears fall faster and I bite down on my fist trying not to let a sob slip through.

"Night Amy" Bellamy mumbles and streams and streams fall.

It's not fair.

I don't want to feel like this.

I want to be able to fall in love, have kids, and grow old.

I don't get that.

I don't feel like I should get that.

The sickening feeling in my stomach burns as I try to conceal it even more.

I don't want to feel this anymore.

When my eyes open I feel the familiar heavy feeling as I rub them hard glancing to see Bellamy already gone. I walk to the bathroom and take a quick shower before walking outside feeling worse than yesterday.

"Mel there you are" I turn and let Octavia catch up with me. "I was thinking we could hang out since the boys are gone?" I give her a questioning look not feeling like talking.

"He-he didn't tell you?" She asks stopping. I shake my head. "Bellamy he's going to be our inside man for Mount Weather, Lincolns taking him there" My heart drops.

He promised. He promised me.

He left me. HE LEFT ME.

"Oh" Is all that comes out not really feeling a whole lot. "I have to help Abby" I mumble and walk clenching my fists hard. He promised. I should have known.

"Can you take this to Clarke?" Abby asks, holding out a bottle and I nod, taking it from her hands. It's been two days. Lincoln is not back yet and Octavia is on edge.

I try to ignore everyone keeping to myself besides Abby and Octaivia. I walk into the tent. "Clarke, your mom asked me to drop this off" I say and she and Raven look up. A second later there's static.

"Amy is that you?" I freeze at the sound of Bellamy's voice and swallow hard. "Amy?" He says again and I stay silent handing the bottle to Clarke and walking out without another word.

He left not me. Not me.

"Please let me help" I beg Abby. Even after the bomb at Tondc she still won't let me do anything but stay here in the medical center. "No, you stay"

"I'm going with you Abby" I insist and she sighs. "She might be helpful" Mr Miller says and I point at him. "See?" "Fine, stay close" I nod and take the gun Mr Miller handed me.

The hike was horrible. Every second of it is painful. I mostly stay with Abby and Kane limping but trying to keep up. "How's the leg?" Kane asks and I shrug. "Fine"

I can feel the adults exchange looks and we reach the forest when suddenly people jump out with guns pointed at us. "Oh shit"

Bags are thrown over our heads and we are dragged who knows where until we are shoved to our knees. I hiss in pain and my bag comes off and I blink and look to see some of the hundred chained up against the wall.

"Dad" Nate says and Mr Miller tries to jump up but is hit. I look to see the doctors throw a kid off the table. Dead. I stare straight ahead.

A man walks forward and bends down in front of me. "You know Bellamy Blake?" He asks and I shrug. "Never heard of him"

"This one" He points at me and my eyes widen as they pull me up. "No!" Abby and Kane yell. "NO, NO!" I scream and try thrashing around but a kick to my leg gives them the opportunity to strap me to the table.

"NO, Not again, please" I cry and the man leans over me tilting his head. "She was the one tortured by the grounders. All we want is Bellamy to give up, he's watching"

My lip shakes and someone presses down on my leg. "NO!" I scream one last time trying to get out but that's when I feel one of the worst feelings in my life.

It's blinding pain and I can't even tell if I'm screaming as they drill deeper and deeper.