Ego (Jude Bellingham)

CHAPTER 16: Bonding Time

11th March 2023

over the past 10 days i've been doing promotion for OUTRAGEOUS, which earned its 3rd week at number one on the 5th march.

i am forever grateful, no way in hell did i actually believe that i'd be as successful as i am.

it's incredible. and i am so grateful.
i can't say that anymore times than i already have!

it is now 7pm and i am tucked up on my sofa watching cobra kai, of course.
my life just seems to be all go at the moment, can't catch a break i feel like.

the only break i've hard really is when i went to watch bukayo play at the beginning of this month. he scored, and tolami and i defiantly deafened the football fans around us.

bukayo is such a lovely lad, me and him really get on, i can see us being good friends.
tolami and i get on like a house on fire too, bukayo actually messaged me the day after and said he's happy that tolami and i get on, he always said that she said she really likes me and hopes me and her can hang out again, and out of football.

so she obviously likes me, and i like her, so we will probably end up becoming friends over the next few weeks anyway, which is exciting.

my belly rumbles making me groan, i haven't had anything to eat all day today, i know that's not good. but, i haven't ordered my food shop, i've just been so busy that i haven't had time.

looks like it's gonna be a takeaway for me.

i grab my phone and go on just eat, i order a donner meat pizza with a large portion of cheesy chips with garlic sauce, and two extra tubs of garlic sauce and two tubs of chilli sauce.

i don't bother ordering drinks because i do have cans of pop in the fridge.

i confirm my order and press pay.
it says my order will be up to a hour and half long, which is fine, i guess. i can wait, not like i haven't waited all day to each anyway.

i decided to go onto youtube on my phone and across through the comments of my music video for outrageous because i haven't actually done that yet, i normally like to wait around a month while it's been up then look at the comments, i always see what people say on twitter though.. people on twitter tend to be your harshest reviews.

i click onto the comment section and start scrolling.

i smile at some of the comments, who are praising me. my fans telling me how proud they are of me.. i recognise some usernames because they're fans who attend fan events and always make theirselves known to me online. it's nice really. that they stick around, but, i haven't given them a reason to not stick around yet.

then there was comments criticising everything i did. of course.
criticising why i got a gang in my music video.
crying over the fact central cee was in my music video..

then i saw one specific comment that pissed me off majorly
'look at her.. exploiting the black community, a white girl exploiting black people and making it seem like the only thing black people are good for is to play thugs and gang members that wear grills. with balaclavas and hoods up in her shitty music video. disgusting. she needs to be called out.'

so simply, i clap back at this comment, i was so angry.
i type out my reply;
'i am black.. i am not exploiting my own community.' that was it, that was my reply. and that's all i will say on this matter until it's brought up in a actual interview.

i decided to put my phone down before i ended up saying something i'd have to apologise for and write a statement over, it's not worth it. they're not worth it.
they're trolls who are DYING for a reaction. i gave them one, i shouldn't of, but sometimes in this line of work you just can't bite your tongue. sometimes, you do snap.