Ego (Jude Bellingham)

CHAPTER 28: Who Do You Think I Am?

*2 days later*
28th March 2023

jude took me home, settled me in and had to leave for a match, i knew he couldn't stay long, and i was supposed to be going to watch the game, england vs ukraine, but i couldn't. i was too distraught.

they're playing a couple of matches to qualify for the world cup.
i messaged jude, when i saw they'd won and said i'd make sure i was at the next england game. i promised.
the next england game was in june.

but, i haven't heard from him since the 26th.. well.. its not so much that i haven't heard from him.. he hasn't heard from me.

i'm staying at my mum, house. dad is away, so i could be openly heartbroken in front of my mum over zayn without it worrying my father.

in all honestly, i was heartbroken all over again, zayn means so much to me, maybe i just am not over him yet.

when i say i'm staying at my mums house i just mean i'm sleeping there, for most of the day yesterday i locked myself into a recording room.
its 5pm now, and for the second day i'm locked in a recording room.

but, it gave me time to think. time to work.

my phone has been turned off for two days, people are worried, mum has told me. jade, my managers, beyonce, and jay z have been in touch with my mum, including jude.
they're all wondering if i'm okay, where i am.

she told them all i am fine, and that i am just hard at work.. that i want no distractions.

which was true.

and, because i shut myself away in the studio, i have finished my album.. i think. which is obviously a positive.

i sniffle to myself in the studio, listening back to Nobody Like You.
i don't think anyone understands the pain i am feeling right now.

i'm hurt.

breaking all over again.

the only person who could maybe get me was.. was perrie??
maybe i do need that chat with her, a chat she said i could always have with her.

i needed to talk about zayn.

i grabbed my phone that is powered off, i powered it on for the first time in two days and floods of messages and missed calls came through.

i read Jude's messages first.

Jude Bellingham:
thank you, can't wait for you to actually come to a game. how are you feeling?? xx

Jude Bellingham:
do you need anything?? are you okay??

Jude Bellingham:
i've called you twice, everything okay?

Jude Bellingham:
it's been a day, i haven't heard from you, are you okay? please talk to me.

Jude Bellingham:
please call me when you turn your phone on, just want to know you're okay that's all, i care about you more than you think xx

Jude Bellingham:
today is the second day of no contact.. please.. i've tried your house you're not there. just want to know you're okay xxx

i sighed reading the messages.
he did care.

i then saw zayn's messages

Zayn:
anna i'm sorry i didn't want our first conversation to turn out like that xx

Zayn:
call me when you have 5 minutes x

Zayn:
your boyfriend has messaged me.. asking if you're with me, he doesn't seem to trust you or even know you. not like i do anyway. i told him i hadn't heard from you since you walked out on me in the studio.