anxiety

C21: Photograph

>> Dylann

I continued to unpack. even though my heart broke into pieces each item brought out, I survived. my head swelled with negative questions.

--why did you leave??? was it because of people treating you differently after you announced to the school you had trichitilimania??? and your ex crush laughed at you??????? because of so, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU'Re A LOSER!

--but...wait. how can Luke even love me? I'm different! he only knows I have anxiety. not a hair pulling disorder!

--what if I tell him...what if I told all of my friends in the beginning? I would be an outcast! no friends! oh my god!

I threw my picture frame at the wall. the glass shattered and it made me scream. I didn't expect the glass to break, but I knew I should've. the glass broke just like my heart. into multiple shards, ready to be thrown away.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered picking up the picture of me and Luke on New Years. we were kissing and my arms were wrapped around his neck. his hands rested on my waist while my legs wrapped around his hips. I was to short to see the count down. so he let me sit on his hip. I couldn help but let out a choked gasp. "I'm so so so sorry." I whispered once more. I hugged the picture close to me, and burst into tears.

my phone ringed loudly, but I ignored it.

it rang again, but I repeated my actions from seconds ago.

I put the picture down, and let my phone ring uncontrollably. my hands ran up to my ears and cover then.

"MAKE IT STOP!" I screamed. "MAKE IT STOP!" I began to sob loudly. I fell on my side and began to cry. the front door opened and closed, then I heard it.

"Dylann! We have a surprise for you!" two voices yelled. I sat up and wiped away my tears. I slowly walked out from my room, seeing Demariz and Jayda stand there in sweaters and skinny jeans and converse.

"h-hi." I gasped through my tears.

"aww my daughter is crying! c'mere!" the pretty Spanish girl extended her arms. I ran to them and hugged her. I loved that I could hug someone and cry if needed. she rubbed my back and took steps back, as if balancing herself with my weight.

Jayda peeked from behind her shoulder and made a weird face, then made an ugly face. I choked on my laughter and pulled away from the hug.

"what's wrong?" Jayda asked as she hugged me tightly.

"stupid memories. stupid photographs. stupid Seattle. stupid stupid stupid!" I snapped.

"are you lonely?" demariz asked.

"y-yeah." I said as I rubbed away my tears.

"are you okay?" Jayda said pointing from feet to waist. I looked down to find tiny glass shards in my skin and socks fallen and bloodied.

"u-um, ap-apparently not." I laughed. Jayda threw her arm under my knees, and caught my back.

"antibacterial liquid, STAT!" Jayda ordered. demariz ran for my bathroom first, and threw things around. I was sat in the count, given tweezers, and just watched.

"pull out all glass shards!" demariz ordered to me. I slowly did so, and Jayda had cotton balls and antibacterial liquid and circle bandaids. once I finished fifteen minutes later, I changed into shorts, my scarlet red sweater and black sports bra. I put my polka dot (black and pink) tights on under my shorts and grabbed my black converse. I went out with my two best friends.

🎶🎶🎶

to be honest, I didn't think we'd turn up at a PetSmart. on the day they were putting puppy's up for adoption. they two girls planned this. I growled but they begged me to look for a furry friend, an I did so. I roamed to the puppy pit, and saw puppy pugs, Huskies, poodles, terriers, pit bulls, you name it! but I moved to the adult dogs, 5 months & up. I strolled over to a white husky with brilliant blue eyes, he had a small build for a husky. I checked the plastic paper.