anxiety

C22: Hugs & Disses

(STILL DYLANN)

>> T H R E E W E E K S L A T E R <<

I had my hand twisted in Olafs fur, he his rested on my left shoulder. I sat in the radio station with Olaf, as if nothing was abnormal with a dog hugging his owner.

"hey, it's dj dutch, bringing you some lovely love advice. caller one, you're on the line." I said into my sparkly blue microphone.

"yeah...um, hi? im logan. and my boyfriend isn't answering my calls..." a male voice said.

"aw, im sorry to hear that! maybe your...boyfriend is just having a rough time. have you visited him at all?" I said.

"n-no, he lives in Atlanta. I live in port Angeles." Logan stated.

"ooh, do you skype?" I asked leaning forward a bit.

"that's the kind of calls I'm talking about... he won't answer them." Logan cried out.

"don't cry, just give him some time and he'll realize what he's missing. you! you sound like a fantastic guy. any more questions?" I said as I wrote down his name on a pad of paper and his scenario.

"no, thank you dutch." Logan said as he signed out.

I waited for Ryan to give me a signal that caller two was ready. he made an okay sign.

"caller two, you are up to bat." I said as I spun around in my chair.

"hi- yeah, my names Jake, and my girlfriend really loves me. but she gets panicky very quickly and I want her to meet my parents. what do you think could happen?" he sounded like Luke.

"erm...well, Jake, I have the same problem with my boy. I have anxiety, yet I think doing things under medication can put me at risk of a dangerous panic attack. so I think you should tell your parents that she is different in a way. and explain to them that she is all good, nice, and stuff. and tell your girl that your parents will adore her or something." I instructed as I wrote down his name and problem.

"oh my god! thank you! I never thought of it that way!" Jake exclaimed.

"you're welcome." I said as I ended the call. I started up a new song, called Somewhere In Neverland by All Time Low. I stood with Olaf in my arms, pulling the checkered head phones off.

"All done, dutchess?" Ryan asked smirking his...smolder.

"yes, I have to get Olaf home or else." I said as I handed him the head phones. he snatched them and scrunched up his nose. "bye Ryan." I called as I left.

I placed the lazy mammal in my car and went to my drivers side. the sun was blinded by rain clouds, it was three in the afternoon, and everything was now slow. I drove home with ease, not rushing, just takin my time in this small, lazy town. i arrived at my complex building and I carried Olaf up the steps like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold of their new life. kicking the black metal door shut, Olaf jumped from my arms.

Olaf had become at home, loved his reading time, cuddle time and most importantly, trick time. every few hours or so when he became a lazy lump, I would pull out his treats. his treats made him jumpy and excited.

he knew how to roll over, high five, speak, and other natural tricks. my favourite was where he could high five me. I loved that one, because it made me feel special in a way. I never had a dog, high five me before. it felt magical, okay? it made me feel like the pack leader, the alpha that taught this wild animal to do an amazing trick.

Luke found out about Olaf by one phone call, because Olaf was angry that I wasn't giving him any attention. he howled so loudly that I got two noise complaints. Olaf's way of saying 'help I've been neglected and I want hugs' is to howl his head off. that's his answer to everything. bark, howl, growl, arf, snarl, and so on.

he bounced off to my room, and brought back his chewie. a simple chewie that was in the shape of a bone, it squeaked. I threw it and he bounded off to find it. my brilliantly bright pastels shouted at me to come use them. I picked up the small rectangular box, my black sketch pad, and my pencils. then finally, my water colors.

my whole head was jumbled with art visions, like NY, NY. and Paris, maybe even a little bit of London. I sketched out Big Ben and took my bronze water color, then lightly traced the cartoon grandfather clock. my light stokes resulted in barely seeing any color, to be honest. Olaf settled down near me, and fell asleep. the snow white dog just laid on the floor infront of me, as if nothing was wrong.

something was wrong. he was laying on my feet. first of all, he knows I hate it when he does that. second, his fat butt won't move! he's asleep! my feet shifted a little under the fluffy creatures three legged body, but he rolled over to stop me.

"Olaf!" I whispered.

he opened one eye, rolled his gaze to me in a slow fashion, then blinked.

"Olaf! move!" I instructed.

he howled as if I was hitting him in a bad manor...

"OK, OLAF! MOVE NOW!" I growled. my head pounding with a head ache, I pushed my index finger and middle finger to my temples. "please, baby boy. I can't do many things right now." I whispered. I wanted Luke cuddles (don't we all?!).

I wanted his arms to wrap around my small, fragile body. my fingers to run through his messed up hair and him squirm and whine about how it feels weird when it goes backward. his hands maybe draw random designs on the empty canvas of my back. but, he was so many miles away and just planning a trip was hard. he didn't had WiFi connections right now, I'm in Africa raising awareness, I'm about to go on stage, or he couldn't call because the boys and him were in the same room.

I believe we got into a fight about all his excuses, to a point where one of the boys would text me when they were 'with' Luke. sometimes the boys would be out at a bar, Luke would have a girl give him a lap dance for 'free'. the thin is, I can't stop him. he claims we never video chat. I try, but he rejects my calls. just him not visiting grinds my gears. this is always a problem, and he says he won't be near any time soon. I check the tour website. it says he'd be in the area by a few weeks.

so, for now we aren't speaking. it kills me to know that he won't speak to me. I can't handle not talking to a beloved person.

>>Luke

I was crying in my pillow. why did I make such a stupid agreement!? a quiet knock signaled either food, or one of the guys.

"WHAT!?" I sobbed.

"it's me, Michael." Michael called out. (GETTING U SOME MUKE)

"c-c-c'mon in." I struggled to say. my sobs made my breathing choppy and quick.

"aww, lukey, are you okay at all?" Michael said plopping down on my bed making me jump, but I still held the pillow. I cried louder to tell him I wasn't. he rubbed my back.

"I MISS HER." I screamed into the pillow.

"call it off." Michael suggeste

"I CANT." I cried

"why don't I do it?" he said patting my back.

"NO." I sobbed.

"why?" he said rubbing my

"BECAUSE. SHES MINE." I sobbed and screamed.

"well someone's gotta tell her or else she's going to think you aren't in love anymore. okay?" Michael offered.

"I don't want that to happen." I said pickin my head up.

"okay, be a man, and tell her you miss her." Michael stated.

I took my phone and checked the next airline to Seattle.