LEILA

8. long drive and reflections

LEILA

"Thank you for today, Sir Luke." I said as we walked out of the mall. He treated me in a silent breakfast in pancake house after buying what I needed, and a brand new jeans for him (using his money) and now we're about to go home. Finally. “I appreciate your effort.”

"It’s nothing." he smiled a little, but he kept the distant look on his face. Things have gotten awkward since the Candies shop too, so I remained silent and just let him lead me to wherever his car was parked.

The ride to my home was also very, very silent except for the car radio that was playing all time low. I was singing along in my head because my voice might distract Luke with his driving. I’m not gifted in singing, my brother kellin is.

Getting bored, I look at the cds sprawled all over the dashboard and I smile upon seeing my brother's band in one of them. Sleeping with sirens. But I’m not going to tell Luke, because I have decided that last night was strictly a one-time thing. I should not have any other ties or personal information shared with him, and connection except for the deed and the student and teacher occupation.

If we take things too far, everything we treasured all our lives will be gone.

He will lose his job.

I will worsen my already bad reputation.

And I know that once we go back to school, everything will return to how we usually is. Back to our usual bickering. He will continue to teach us math, and I will continue ignoring him since I hate him and all.

But do I really?

I sighed and leaned on the cold window. I see our house nearing and I glanced at Luke to see if he actually noticed, but he's still in his own world. I’ll probably give a couple of pennies for his thoughts.

I wonder what he’s thinking about.

Does he still remember what happened last night, unlike me?

Is he thinking of the same thing I am, wanting to end everything today and to never to talk about it again?

Play pretend?

The car suddenly came into a halt. I remained sitting with a glum look on my face. I have this feeling that something's missing but I can't put my finger on it. I don't know how to act or what to say.

The song on the car radio finally ended and I gripped the paper bag that he bought me earlier. "I’ll see you next week then?" I whispered, heart beating in my chest. He just looked at me and slowly nodded.

"Yeah, I guess."
-

The week passed by in a blur. I never heard of Kendall in the weekend and she probably suffered from her first major hangover and got her little sister pester her like a bitch. I was preoccupied too and I did a lot of major thinking. I didn’t tell anyone about what happened to me, I locked myself away in my room and contemplated on my life.

I’ve been spacing out in all of my morning subjects today, plus I ate lunch with my famous circle of friends who talked all about the party last Friday night. They kept on asking where I landed that night and I just flipped them off and left, feeling like absolute shit. They all slept with guys. Not like I didn't, but it was a worse situation than theirs.

"Leila!" I turned around and found who I was talking about, running my way. "I was searching everywhere for you!"

"Did you also sleep with a guy?" I grumbled, shoving all my books inside my locker and taking out the last book I need for today, which was math. For some reason I feel afraid of seeing him because this will be the first time after the incident.

Kendall’s eyes widened in shock then she shook her head frantically. "No! What the hell! Why are you asking such a thing to me? I’m like the most innocent girl in the whole school.”

"Yeah, sorry. The girls have been talking about the party last time and I kept on hearing about how good it felt sleeping with some hot guy they met at the party blah blah blah. In the end I flashed a middle finger and stormed my way out of the canteen."

She giggled. "I see. Well, Brianna did make me talk to a guy named Harry Styles and he has this curly hair and a very bright smile. I can see the aura of a playboy in him but we didn't do anything back then. I made it pretty clear that I wasn’t looking for a good fuck."

I smiled and sighed in relief. "Thank god, then. That’s really good to hear Kendie. I’m proud of you."

"What about you?"

I froze in my spot right after hearing her. "I-I’m sorry, what was that?" I asked again, hugging the math book to my chest and immediately began walking away from her. Unfortunately, she followed me despite having another last subject in the opposite direction. I need to get away from her right now.

"I said what about you? Did you do anything last Friday night?" she asked, her eyes clearly showing suspicion. I gulped and tried to laugh it off but her hand caught my arm.

"Leila!"

"I gotta go, bye!" I said then ran off to math room. Kendall didn't follow me this time. When I reached the room, I was heaving so I remained standing outside the door while trying to steady my breathing.

God, I don't know what to do anymore. What’s worse? Telling her that she's right after my math class or meeting Luke now and act like nothing happened?

"Fuck this." I hissed and opened the door with a mad expression. I glared at anyone who threw curious glances my way until I reached my designated seat. I sat and slammed my book on my table.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it. I can't take this anymore. I can't take this anymore. Why do I have to suffer?” I kept on mumbling to myself and repeating it in my head until the girl beside me pinched me in the arm.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed, glaring at the girl. "What the fuck is your problem?!"

"You were mumbling incoherent things for minutes now and I thought you were cursing someone or performing a dark ritual. You looked like you'd kill." she defensed with a horrified expression on her face.

"Yeah I can totally see the black aura surrounding her!" someone snickered and I clenched my fists, about to let my inner beast unleash.

I am in boiling point now.

I am swimming in absolute hatred.

I am going to throw a major bitch fit in Luke’s math class!

But before I did anything else, a hand touched my arm and drew circles on it. I glared behind me and found that it was Professor Luke.

"Calm down, Miss Quinn." he said with a slightly worried face but still kept his formal distance. “What’s the matter?”

So he did pull out the pretense card on me.

I snort and shrugged his hand away, grabbing my bag and book.

"I’m out."