We set in on two soldiers on top of a base, one clad in maroon armor, Dick Simmons, the other in orange, Dexter Grif.
Simmons: Hey.
Grif: Yeah?
Simmons: You ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night.
Both stare at each other in silence.
Simmons: ...What?! I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?
Grif: Oh. Uh... yeah.
Simmons: What was all that stuff about God?
Grif: Uh...hm? Nothing.
Simmons: You wanna talk about it?
Grif: No.
Simmons: You sure?
Grif: Yeah.
Simmons: Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.
Grif: Mm hmm.
Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red Base here, is because they have a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue Base over there, is because we have a Red Base here.
Grif: Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other.
Simmons: No, no. But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they would come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo.
Grif: What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
Unaware to Grif and Simmons from atop a cliff, two blue soldiers were watching them. One wielding a sniper rifle and in cobalt armor, Leonard L. Church, the other standing behind him in aqua armor, Lavernius Tucker, and last with grey armor, Richard D. Chase or Rick simply.
Tucker: What're they doing?
Church slowly turns around to face Tucker, lowering his rifle.
Church: (aggravated) What?
Tucker: I said, "What are they doing now?"
Rick: (frustrated) Tucker, you asked that same question five minutes ago!
Tucker: (defensively) Hey! He has the fucking rifle; I can't see shit. Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick.
Church: (interrupting) Okay, okay, look... they're just standing there and talking, okay? (getting angry) That's all they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, "What are they doing?" my answer's gonna be, "They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there!"
They all fall silent... and after a while...
Tucker: ...What're they talking about?
Church: ...You know what? I fucking hate you.
Rick: Same here.
Rick turns around and mutters to himself.
Rick: (mutter) I've only been here a week, and I already hate it.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
Back at Red Base, Grif and Simmons. were still talking.
Grif: Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life... you know, fight them.
Simmons: Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge.
Unaware below them a soldier in red armor, their team leader Sarge, is looking up at them.
Sarge: Ladies, front and center on the double!
Simmons: Fuck.
Grif: Yes, sir!
-----END-----OF-----EPISODE-----
