Tucker was on top of Blue Base, talking to Church.
Tucker: Let me get this straight... You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And, on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?
Church: In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary. (Church then turns to Rick) Which brings me to you. How the fuck do you know anything about Tex!?
Rick: There are some parts of my life, you will find. But there are some I don't know about as well.
Caboose: I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls never like me.
Tucker: Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you.
Caboose: I like me...
Rick: I like you Caboose.
Caboose: You do...?
Rick: Definitely.
Caboose: (sniffs) This is the best day of my life.
Tucker: I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark?
Church: I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark.
Caboose: Wait, oh wait, oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?
Church: Uh... because she's from Texas.
Caboose: ...
Rick: All of the Freelancers were named after states. Like Texas, Washington, Arizona, and so on and so forth.
Church: Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with.
Tucker: Right. You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!
Church: Will you shut up with that? She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell.
Caboose: A.I... What's the A stand for?
Rick: Artificial.
Caboose: ...What's the I-
Rick: (interrupts) Intelligence.
Caboose: Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?
Church: Let's move on.
Tucker: So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?
Church: Oh hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch. It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements.
Rick: Yeah, I knew her before she became a Freelancer. She was always a little... aggressive.
Tucker: Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper.
Church: So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?
Caboose: I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot!
Rick: (muffled laughing)
Church: Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot.
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Back at Red Base, Grif and Simmons were holding Tex at gunpoint.
Grif: So, you're a girl, huh?
Tex: ...
Jack: Just ignore him, that's what I do.
Grif: Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya?
Tex: Hey, punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you.
Grif: Yeah, right. What're you gonna do? Punch me?
Tex leans in at Grif quickly. Grif flinches and steps back.
Grif: Ahh! Not in the face!
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Back at Blue Base, Rick was telling everyone his plan.
Rick: Anyway, while you three were busy debating, I hatched a plan for us.
Tucker: A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a ..mission statement?
Rick: Don't worry, Tucker. We just need you and Caboose to be a distraction.
Caboose: (nervous) Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like "decoy."
Rick: Look, the Reds don't know if anymore freelancers are in the Gulch. So, if you two can just run around the canyon in black armor, the Reds should be focused on you enough for Church and I to sneak into their base, and rescue Tex.
Tucker: Sounds good. But Matt, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?
RIck looks at the teleporter, making Church look at it too. After Church looks over, Tucker looks at the teleporter as well.
Tucker: (looks back at Rick) ...Oh fuckberries...
-----END-----OF-----EPISODE-----
