‎‧₊˚✿[ℓιттℓє ωση∂єяѕ]✿˚₊‧ 「𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐲/𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥」

|| Sat' 27th July 2024 ||

Everybody gets those random parts of just feeling happy one moment and then sudden out of nowhere you feel like you want to die, then plan every single thing, write the notes, grab the stuff but then pause and either snap out of it like "...shit-" or idfk. Yeah, well anyway, i'm feeling that way.

I'm not sure if anything happened that I myself just haven't noticed at all, but like.. yeah.. I'm just feeling off and down and I just wanna like die but also not die? I guess.

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10:28pm

• Am I annoying? I feel like i'm just annoying people by existing, I feel like I'm around way too many people and everyone just hates that but they're all too sweet and amazing to say otherwise, or maybe they outright DO admit it but they use "/j" so it seems they aren't.

• Maybe it's the opposite, am I not around enough? I feel like during these past few days ever since I disappear and all for a little bit, I feel like I'm just not myself. I can tell that i'm not acting that much like usual, though I doubt anybody notices that kind of thing I begin with.. I just feel like I lost apart of myself really and I can't get back into that mindset I was in before. I feel so distant and bitchy to everyone, I know I did that I wanted to create a distance but I don't want to actually be an asshole to people I love/p so fucking much.

• I honestly hate that I don't know what people think, I wish people were honest, completely fucking brutally honest. Am i worth their times? I don't feel like I am. Everyone is so amazing and perfect and I just feel like I'm almost a stand in friend.

• Honestly, I might just disappear again.. but really this time. Delete my account or do something so it seems I'm gone and they have no way of contacting me? I don't know, it's a dick move I know but at this point I just wanna go and not see a flood (or mainly three messages) of "no, you have such a good life ahead!!"

• I'm a terrible friend.

• Sorry if I don't and anybody but, at least I gave you all a warning, right? It shouldn't hurt as much now that you're aware.

• I finally got Character.ai to log back in by the way, uhm.. yeah I was just talking to some bots and even that's boring to me.. I tried looking at Levi things but nothing :/ I was even looking around for I-Chu shit but there's hardly any Fanart😭 (maybe i'm just looking in the wrong places though)

Uhmmm... signing off for the night (and hopefully life) —Nichole <3