‎‧₊˚✿[ℓιттℓє ωση∂єяѕ]✿˚₊‧ 「𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐲/𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥」

16, 07, 2024 (i)

I know I did just post an entry but I feel like that's a little blander than usual, I know that might just be because most of my entries at this point are just vents or something of the sort but still.. so, instead another entry that is a rant/vent/feeling kind of crap as perusal.

So, earlier today two people made some vents, two people that are my friends as well. I wasn't able to be there on time due to some personal things and all that life bullshit, but I did get there. Being honest with myself I know damn right that I didn't do everything I could to help either of them, and I think my words rubbed off the wrong way, like I was being too forceful and brought up things maybe? I'm not sure all that well.

Koko (not Muchiko), said that they were alright and stuff but I kind of got the vibe of "you didn't help me, fuck you." Kind of thing.. I know she probably doesn't MEAN that but my mind instantly goes to that. I know not to be to pushy like I usually am (since that's one reason people leave me for) but things just feel off between us now and I don't know how to bring it up or try to begin to fix it and all.

Eclipse, I just know my words weren't right I coming off the way I wanted them to. And I really do apologise for that.

I don't want anyone to kill themselves at all, and I know "oh, yeah, that really fucking helps you hypocrite." But I mean it. Nobody truly deserves death (some are acceptations like creeps and psychos) but none of YOU deserve this kind of thing at all. Nobody deserves to feel that kind of crap and i'm really sorry I can't do anything to even help you.

Honestly, I feel like my "therapist friend" job is just dimming down, I don't think i'm doing it all right anymore, I hardly believe i'm helping anyone in the slightest. I know I probably did help some of you but not anymore.

On a different note however, i'm not one to be picky with people, okay? Clingy people I absolutely love because, same. But there's a certain line you don't cross, you know? My mind just can't handle it all. (Not talking about anyone here btw)

Let's see, uhm.. that's it really. I know it's pretty short and that's definitely not everything but i honestly don't feel like talking about myself a lot right now.

(I'll be adding a few updates on things before bed) :3