‎‧₊˚✿[ℓιттℓє ωση∂єяѕ]✿˚₊‧ 「𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐲/𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥」

Monday, 22nd July 2024

OKAY OKAY, SOOOOOOO pretty short diary entry for right now. currently it's 8:38pm for me <3 and i just got home from a day trip with family and yeah!! So, it was around a two and something hour drive down to the people we were visiting and it was HELL we have no AC in the van because my dad fucking broke something so we were just all burning alive and shit TT

I was also forced awake at 7am and i went to sleep at around 4am so i didn't get too much hours rest but more than i usually get which is good ^^

Uhh let's see, we were SUPPOSED to be like paddle boarding and stuff but they were all rented out so we just went on a whole ass walk and shit. OMG I HATE LIFE-- It was so fucking awkward, why where they so extroverted :(( i can't socialise???

I just hung out the back as everyone else walked in front, i was on my phone because i didn't know what to do at all and i didn't want to just walk there like Micheal Myers or something. i was eternally panicking as it was because the place was already crowded as hell so the awkward shit wasn't helping with that (dw it's cool now!)

We had a picnic, it wasn't a lot and honestly tasted like garbage but whatever, I was around my parents and auntie (from my dad's side might i add) which has GOT to say something because normally i'd take any chance to get away from my dad--

My sisters went off with our cousins and went on the playground; i would have joined along with them if it wasn't for the children around and me feeling awkward and judged by literal 5 year olds because i have low self esteem and shit and the smallest side glance could make me want to drown and shit TT

Eli was also awkward as hell but she tried socialising with these extroverted creatures, coming up with the oh so amazing topic of the weather (which is better than what i could have done; stand, look judgemental, die inside, stutter like hell, sob eternally, go to the bathroom to cry fr) blah blah blahhhhh

^ we got home and she was talking about how awkward she felt, we were actually talking to each other about that without any problems for once :)

We got some ice lollies (Orange push ups, nothing too special) and watched people try beating those inflatable obstacle courses (they had those there as well) and then fail making us all laugh at their sad misery and get along well for a while. 

Eventually, it comes to the end of our hang out and me, Eli, bratty one, my mum and dad are on the way for a four hour drive back (traffic fucking SUCKS, we were stuck in that shit forever)

Anyhow, my dad then got bitchy like usual because of some cars (usual driver shit ig) and my headphones kept going dead so i had to put up with him yelling for around an hour when i waited for them to charge, dealt with butt cramps, etc. etc. BUT i did have a good playlist to listen to that made my mood better again so yeah!!

All in all, it was awkward as hell, a little fun, stinky(dog and bird poop) and crowded (it is the summer holidays so makes sense and all; speaking of which, is anybody still at school??)

Got jealous bc i saw very pretty ppl around TT

OMG ALSO, When we were going to see how to make it so we didn't have to pay for parking (because i have a blue badge and that's how it worked where we went), some group of friends were walking and talking along behind me; spiked my anxiety high bc they kept walking closer to me and shit when i move OUT of their way-- anyway, uhh... yeah, i miss having (IRL) friends (even though they were toxic and stuff) uhm.. i'll just cry myself to sleep remembering i'm 17 and got no bitches AND (irl) friends- 

uhh, OH they (my cousins) were also playing tag and i call unfairness bc i can't play that >:/ (heart plus breathing problems) so i was always tagged so i just walked up to people and had to tag them that way, eventually i got tired of that and made a bolt for it for somebody and KO'ed for the rest of the day (i had no water either)

uhh, so a productive day i would say!! Not too many depressing thoughts (other than looking at the water and y'know "i could just drown in that-") SPEAKING OF WHICH, UGHHH dyed water is so fucking pretty and for what?? 

Yeah, "Dyed", because we can't have naturally pretty water where i am apparently >:( anyway, it was so pretty (I tried taking a picture but ... yeah no, i need a knew phone already because that quality SUCKED)