Secrets of the lost past

Chapter 37

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Darius

Once again, I woke up with the desperate need to visit Ella, and unlike last time, I really planned on fulfilling my wish.

It was the first thing in the morning to go to the castle for me, I stood at the door, waiting for guards.

They let me in the palace shortly after, and as always, I saw the Queen sitting in the corner of the ballroom, with her fiery red hair in a bun, gray eyes shining with happiness, as always.

But this time, her attire was a bit different: her dress was about calf length, made of sage silk. Its shoulders were hanging down, forming a pretty off-shoulder dress. She had a pendant that hung around her neck, it looked nothing like what a royal would and could wear.

Her lips were painted slightly pink, which shone a little when they were lit by the sunlight coming in from the windows.

She looked good, different, and utterly familiar.

The guards went away, and I just stood at the door, thinking. I was sure I saw somebody else like that before, I just simply didn't know who. It was really frustrating to try and find it out and every time I thought of someone, all the memories and thoughts went away.

I wanted to walk a little closer to inspect her face, but I didn't in the end...

Her hair, tied up in a tight bun, like...

Her dress, exactly like...

Her necklace, like...

The scars she gave me that stayed on me for years, like only one person could.

No. I couldn't. Both my arms started to tremble, my breathing became more and more uneven, and I couldn't activate anything the psychologists told me. I physically couldn't.

My eyes teared up, and the scratches on my back seemed to hurt more than when I got them. I closed my eyes to try to calm myself down, but it didn't work. Nothing worked.

The Queen of the Kingdom of Peace was the woman who was my boarding school teacher, and also the woman who...I couldn't think either.

I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but my shaking feet wouldn't budge from the castle floor. I kept staring at the so-called Queen, trying to hide my uncalm breaths and tears from everyone. I slowly lifted my one hundred pound hands, wanting to wipe the incoming tears, both of my hands felt like heavy rocks when I tried to do so.

It hurt. It really hurt. It hurt to see myself, how stupid I was to not realize it. She has been around me for years, yet I still couldn't see. I don't think I ever felt more worthless than that day.

The Queen was my rapist.

My rapist was the Queen. It didn't look or feel okay.

It felt odd to see everyone around the Queen treat her like a block of gold, when in reality, she was the one who ruined a potential block of gold.

I said I wasn't mad at anyone who hurt me, but this time, I couldn't feel more hatred for a person.

My hands and feet kept on shaking, tears pouring down my cheeks, I felt dizzier at the moment. That was much, much worse than in the future. I saw her, right in front of me, and even worse, she was right there all along. Next to me, and I didn't notice. I was worthless. So, very worthless.

I wanted to ease my pain more than anything, and killing did it the best. I quickly found myself a victim, and...I grabbed the nearest weapon in my pocket. It was a small but sharp pocket knife, and my vision cleared up enough to see what it said on it: