Dear God {completed}

Mackenzie

Baby killer. Baby killer. Mackenzie is a baby killer. I am, aren't I? Macy was a baby, and I killed her. I am a baby killer.

My mind is exploding.

Baby killer

I can't breathe

Baby

Killer

I can't see anything.

It's all so blurry.

Baby Killer

I've forgotten how to breathe.

Killer

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

No wonder Sammy left.

B
A
B
Y

K
I
L
L
E
R

Monster

I am a monster

I hear a sob. A scream. A scream so full of pain and agony that I flinch in surprise.

But then I realise that the scream is mine.

And I'm collapsed on the floor, banging my head against a locker repeatedly.

Stupid. Stupid, you should've saved her.

You should be dead, not her.

Oh, Macy.

I miss you.

I've gone crazy.

My senses fade in and out, and I vaguely hear the school bell in the distance, eventhough I'm seated directly below it.

And then I do the only thing I'm good at. I run. Away from my problems and away from the world.

I don't know how far I run, but I run and run till my legs shake with exhaustion and I'm dry heaving, waves of pain flooding my body.

This is good.

Physical pain to stop the emotional pain.

Keep running, Mackenzie.

Maybe this will all go away.

Baby Killer.

Monster.

And there's no escaping it,

because I killed my little sister.

I collapse against the floor in a secluded alleyway, away from the world, and it doesn't register with me that this may not be the safest place.

But it doesn't matter.

I deserve to get hurt.

I deserve to pay for what I did.

And so that's where I fall asleep, and that's where a stranger finds me the next morning.

~~