BLOOD AND HEART

81 | GUILT

N    Y    X

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, my back against the wall, knees pulled tightly to my chest. The news of Octavio and Hunter getting shot had hit me like a freight train.

Yes, they got shot.

Even though Zayn had assured me they survived and it wasn't serious, it still felt like the weight of the world was crashing down on me. They got shot because they were trying to protect me, trying to find out who was stalking me and sending those terrifying gifts. All of this was happening because of me.

I couldn't get my family out of my head. My father, who had been physically tortured by the Russians because of my actions. My mother, who cried herself to sleep every night. And my sister Ivy, who must be terrified. The guilt was eating me alive. I blamed myself for everything. I have to. Every injury, every tear, every bit of pain.

The banging on the bathroom door grew louder. "Nyx! Open the door!" Zayn's voice was filled with panic and worry, but I couldn't move. I couldn't face them. Not after what had happened. My body trembled as I closed my eyes, the triggers from my childhood coming back with a vengeance. The urges to self-harm, something I thought I had conquered, resurfaced with brutal force.

The bathroom mirror was shattered into pieces, the toiletries strewn across the floor in my fit of rage. My knuckles were bleeding from where I'd punched the wall repeatedly. The pain was a distraction, a way to numb the overwhelming guilt and despair.

"Nyx, please! Let us in!" Levi's voice was desperate, but I couldn't find the strength to answer. Tears streamed down my face as I hugged my knees tighter, trying to make myself as small as possible.

Suddenly, a deafening bang echoed through the room, and the door burst open, splintering from the force. Zayn stood there, holding one of the heaviest guns, his face a mask of worry and determination. He crossed the room in a few quick strides, dropping the gun and cupping my face in his hands.

"Nyx," he said, his voice soft and soothing despite the fear in his eyes. "It's going to be okay. I'm here."

I shook my head, the tears blurring my vision. "No, it's not okay. None of this is okay. It's all my fault."

Zayn pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly. The warmth of his embrace was a stark contrast to the coldness I felt inside. One of his hands holding my bloodied knuckles "It's not your fault," he whispered, his voice trembling. "None of this is your fault."

Levi appeared behind him, his eyes red from crying. He joined the hug, his small body trembling against mine. "Nyx, please don't do this," he pleaded, his voice breaking. "We need you."

Ace and Hunter stood in the doorway, their faces etched with concern and anger. "What the hell were you thinking?" Ace demanded, his voice harsh. "You can't just lock yourself away like this! And hurt yourself!"

Hunter nodded, his usually calm demeanor replaced with frustration. "You're not alone in this, Nyx. We're a team. You need to let us help you."

Octavio was there too, his eyes shooting daggers at me whilst passing a first aid box to Hunter "You think you're helping by shutting us out?" he taunted. "All you're doing is making things worse."

The harshness of their words cut through me, but I knew they were right. I had pushed them all away, thinking I was protecting them, but I was only causing more pain.

I flinched when Hunter started to wrap the bandage. Zayn's hold on me tightened, his voice gentle but firm. "Everyone enough, She's in distress.”

“Love, is there anything you want now?” He asked, to which I replied with a nod in no