BLOOD AND HEART

34 | TRY NOT TO STRANGLE ME

N      Y      X

“When my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I
I look at you”

It was late at night, I was laying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. My mind was blank, but I felt a sense of Void. The Void had become so strong that it was killing me from within. My eyes were burning and I was desperate to cry, but none of the tears came out. My heart was breaking, and my ears were itching to hear their voices, to hear the sounds of my family. It was heart-wrenching. I had no idea why I was still alive, or why Zayn had kept me alive. My entire life was spent hating it. When my parents came to talk to me, I regretted how I neglected them. I despised how I behaved towards them when they were attempting to help me. I was, however, too late. I should have talked to them, I shouldn't have ignored them. My heart ached to see their faces. The guilt made its way to my heart giving it the best pain it could give and I didn't stop because I deserved it.

I forgot for how long I was staring at the ceiling. Apparently, I wasn't on my bed, I was on Zayn's because his bed was the smoothest, fluffiest bed ever. The lights were switched on, the chilly air was entering the room through the windows that were kept open. Zayn was busy in his office so I decided to grace his room with my presence. Correction; my heartbroken presence. Nothing is more painful than regret, especially when it comes to all the words that were left unsaid and all the things that we should have done but didn't. These things keep coming back with unbearable heartache over and over again.

"What's wrong?" My head jerked to the left, in the direction where Zayn's words came from. I sat straight, looking at him. I wasn't expecting him to show up so soon. He removed his coat and dropped it on the sofa, undoing the first three buttons on his shirt. His shirt fabric pressed against his broad shoulders and chest, revealing his six-pack abs and biceps. He had a narrow waist, which was the cherry on top. He had a well-proportioned physique, which is frequently praised as the perfect silhouette for most males.

My mind was preoccupied with the thoughts of my family and then seeing this drool-worthy body my mind couldn't process any answer so I repeated what he had said, "What's wrong?" he raised his eyebrow with a slight smirk on his face, and then I realised that I was gawking at him. My face heated up in embarrassment.

"What happened to you?" As he sat on his head, removing his shoes, he asked. His eyes never left mine. I couldn't decide whether or not I should tell him. Furthermore, I was certain that he wouldn't give a damn if I told him.

"Nothing," I replied, looking away from him. I chose not to tell him that I was missing my family.

"Don't lie to me." He said in his husky voice, his eyes darkened as if he was irate because I wasn't telling him the truth. He appeared to be serious as well.

I sighed as I replied "Trust me, I'm fine" he didn't say anything, just glared at me with his clenched jaw, the glare I was terrified of. My heart began to beat rapidly when I saw his glare, even my mum's glare wasn't powerful. His glare was the only thing that could scare me the most. "I just miss my family," I confessed, helplessly looking down at my hands.

I heard a hum sound coming from Zayn "I see" he said. I was surprised to see him understanding my feelings and not laughing at me. "Wanna call them?" I looked up at him with wide eyes whilst my jaw touched the floor. At first, I believed I might have heard something else which made me pause for a second, I processed his words again in my mind and realised that he actually said it. I vigorously nodded my head in 'Yes' making him let out a chuckle. A spark of happiness and excitement crept into me. I felt like I was on cloud nine.