basset hound nightgown t.s

Songstress, Seamstress

My apartment is as cluttered as ever. It's late at night and I'm sitting at my piano, fiddling with the keys. Hours later I find my hands covered in pen ink, and a new song written. I send a voice memo to Aaron Dessner and expect a response tomorrow. 

It's close to midnight, a good solid hour to have a mental breakdown/writing fit. I get a DM from Taylor asking if I'd like to go for dinner with her and Gracie Abrams tomorrow night. I laugh at the way she always pops up at the strangest times. 

I text back yes and get back to writing. My throat hurts from the notes I'm trying to hit, because I'm not doing it properly. I huff giving up and walking to my kitchen, (which is only about a meter away from me). I pour myself a bowl of cereal and eat it as I scroll through Pinterest. 

Taylor texts again straight away and I wonder if she ever sleeps. Which is funny because that's exactly what she's just asked me. I tell her I do sleep I'm just writing something. She sends about fourteen texts back. then demands me she must hear it. (If it's okay of course, sorry I'm being rude- she adds). 

I laugh at my phone screen and prop the phone up on my piano, hitting the facetime button. Her face pops onto the screen and she's smiling already. She's alone, apart from her three cats I can see in the background stumbling around. 

"I've always wanted a pet". I say and she laughs. 

She's in bed and part of me suspects she's not wearing clothes by the way she has the quilt pulled up to her neck. I'm wearing a bralette and boxer shorts. I can see her eyeing me through the phone screen and I laugh in my mind. 

I start playing the chords with my fingers and singing, it's a slightly upper beat song but I wouldn't call it upbeat. I start playing then pause and grab my guitar, she says nothing just watches me. Giving me her whole attention. 

I start playing and decide it sounds better on guitar. Then I start singing the lyrics. 

"Can't you see I'm living it; I'll start kissing girls so I can hide from this, pretty poised better tasting lips. what do I say for the solitude I've been craving, you look stupid." I sing and she seems to widen her eyes a little bit. 

When I finish, she claps and her blanket rides down enough so I can see her bare shoulders and collarbone. I clear my throat and fiddle with the guitar to distract myself. "So, do I get to know what, or should I say who hurt you?" She jokes but I don't laugh. 

"Ah, probably not. I don't really talk about him." I say and she frowns. 

"I was kidding". She says sounding a bit hurt. 

"I know" I sigh. 

She stays silent for a bit. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then? Gracie's really sweet, I'm sure you will love her". Taylor says and I nod. 

"Yep, see you tomorrow". She disappears of my screen, and I sit there wondering what just happened. "I'm horrible" I say to no one. 

,,,

Cally is brushing my hair as I sit Infront of my tall mirror that's in the corner of my room. We needed a girl's morning; we are eating cheap cinnamon doughnuts. I'm playing her the new song that Aaron managed to finish already. I leave to go meet Taylor in an hour. 

As I take another bite of my doughnut Cally gaps. "Kiss girls, my my my you've finally crossed to the dark side". I roll my eyes at her. 

"It's a lyric. I'm just sick of he who must not be name's bullshit". I say slowly. Cally snickers from beside me. 

"Oh, honey his ass is already worried about you and a girl." Cally says and I turn to her looking her in the eye waiting for her to elaborate. "Well, we all saw the video of you and Taylor dancing. Taylor Swift is eye fucking you." They say and I choke on my doughnut. 

"Cally, what the fuck. She is not!". 

,,,

I'm walking next to Taylor and Gracie. Wearing a maxi skirt and a baby tee. We go for dinner. Gracie talks a lot about her life and what's going on and we all end up talking about our albums. Then Taylor and Gracie (both drunk) decide we all have to go back to Taylor's to listen to the albums. 

And we get there. And I swear three seconds ago we were dancing to Taylor's song but daddy I love him. And now Gracie and I are lying side by side as she plays a song called the smallest man who ever lived. Tears are rolling out my eyes and Gracie and I are holding hands. 

Gracie and I became friends instantly. We are literally twins. She told me I was her carbon copy. 

Taylor is laughing like an evil genius. Her apartment is beautiful. Grand. The decor is a very similar aesthetic as mine, but her apartment is worth millions and is large and beautiful. And my apartment is tiny. 

Her cats are so beautiful too, it makes me want an animal more. She told us Travis is in Kansas City for training. They don't really see each other much. (A/N- I really don't want to break Travis and Tay up I love them) 

Gracie and Taylor end up sitting at the piano writing a song called Us. For Gracie's new album 'The secret of us'. I tell the girls I am working on an album, but they can't hear it yet. They ask what it's called, and I don't tell them either. 

Soon Taylor is putting out a fire and Gracie is filming. Then we laugh and sit. Gracie's at the piano Taylor is in a chair by her and I'm sprawled out on the floor. Telling them about him. 

"He just won't leave me alone". I say as my phone blows up more. 

"Who?" Gracie asks drunk and dazed. 

"My ex, Ryan". I say and Taylor sits up straighter. 

"Is he the one the songs are about?" She asks and I nod. 

"He wants to talk and like apologize or something I don't know". I say tiredly. Gracie hums. 

"Well maybe you should talk to him then?" Taylor suggests. 

I sit up of the floor and scoff. "No, I will never be talking to him again he's horrible". 

Taylor looks at me in an expression I don't understand. "Yeah, but maybe it would be good for him if he could apologize so he can move on." 

I furrow my eyebrows in annoyance. "It was bad Taylor, like really bad". 

"I still think you should give him a chance; I mean come on I wish I could do that with some of my exes". She says seeming to match my mood. 

"I don't think this is about me, it's you. I'm sorry that you have so many exes that they couldn't all apologize to you. And I get that you write dozens of songs about wishing they would. But that situation doesn't apply to me". I snarl. She seems offended. 

"Oh well I'm so sorry it was so bad you can't talk about it". She says sarcastically. 

I draw back in hurt. "Taylor, it really was very bad". I say softly. 

"Guys, come on let's not argue. Taylor your drunk and Lucile you look beyond exhaustion". Gracie says calmly trying to stop us before we say something we regret. But I think she's too late. 

"No Lucile is right. I would have liked apologies from many exes, and she's too ungrateful to except the one she's being offered. He's literally begging her to listen to him". Taylor spits and then she stops realizing what she said. 

I stand up and walk to the door. Grabbing my coat and my bag. 

"Wait Lucile, I'm sorry that was harsh. Don't leave". She says but I open the door. Gracie follows and holds Taylor back when she tries to go after me. 

I walk out of Taylor's apartment and Paparazzi are waiting to take photos of me crying as I leave.