basset hound nightgown t.s

Chicago

She's called me so many times and I just, I can't pick up. I watch my suitcases drift away from me as they get taken to baggage claim. I'm wearing a pair of sunglasses and a baseball cap to try and seal my identity. I'm wearing a sweater and a pair of lounge pants with blue and white stripes. 

On the plane I try and read a poetry book Taylor recommended. But the words just swim around. When I land its nightfall. I expect Jude to pick me up but it's my grandfather there. I don't say anything just smile and embrace him. 

"Hey, grandad." I greet and he smiles at me patting my head. 

"Lucie, welcome home angel". I go with him and get into his car. It's so old compared to the deluxe cars I've been getting driven around in.  I love the change. 

When we pull up at the suburban home Jude and my grandfather live in, I look around in awe. It's so much like the house we grew up in as kids. My grandfather can tell because he squeezes my shoulder and smiles at it too. 

The door swings open and a sickly ghost fly's down the front porch steps. A hand flies over my mouth. He whistles. "Looking good sis. You talented little star". Then he pauses. "You're not going to give your brother a hug". 

"You look like shit Jude". I blurt out and he laughs. 

"Wow, fame made you mean". Is shake my head back and forth. 

"No, no you know what I mean." I say and he smiles sadly. Pulling me in for a hug. I hug him tightly and a few tears escape my eyes. 

,,,

Dinner is a quiet time. 

There are three missing souls at this table, and I wonder how they eat here every night. There's a placemat set for my grandmother and my parents. I hold Jude and Grandad's hands as we say grace and I realize how long it's been since I said grace. I've lost so many old habits. 

This is like time traveling back to my childhood. Granddad has made a roast turkey and roast vegetables and its so homily and warm. Hell, I missed gravy. It's such a change to the superfoods or microwave meals I live off. 

After dinner grandad goes to bed and Jude and I sit on the couch drinking tea. "You should've told me how bad it's getting; I can help pay for treatments. I can't be here. I can do something!" I say when were alone. He frowns at me. 

"Lucie, that wouldn't change anything. There's nothing you can do here. Besides you've made it you have a life a career." He speaks. 

"No, you don't get to be Beth and tell me I'm not needed. I would never live with myself if I was abroad working on my dreams while you're dying!". I say slightly raising my voice to a whisper yell. 

He smiles at me with a bittersweet look. "You're a good big sister. If I'm Beth does that make you Amy? I like Amy I think she's smart, and she knows what she wants. And if we are talking about the movie then I'd say Florence Pugh is pretty hot". 

I laugh through my tears. "Mum and Dad, would've wanted me to be here". 

And there is the elephant in the room. 

"I'm sorry to say it but their dead sis. What they want doesn't matter. I'm the sick one I decide". 

,,,

Part of me knows this is the last time I'll see Jude. 

When I come down the next morning for breakfast, I see a magazine on the table with a cover page about me and Taylor. Then a photo of her taken yesterday kissing Travis Kelce side by side with the one of her kissing me. 

Jude smiles at me knowingly from the other side of the room. 

"You love her". 

"I do not". 

"I think I know my own sister". 

"Fuck, I love her".