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Happiness

February 2024

"I don't even want to talk about it, it hurts me just as much Lucile". He says throwing things into his suitcase as I stand sadly on the other side of the room. My arms are crossed and they're rubbing up and down my arms. He looks up at me with his red-rimmed ocean eyes. A pout holding his mouth hostage. "Look Luce, I really love you. Like to a painful point. And I think you're the right person. But it's the wrong time. Lucile, I can't be thousands of miles away from you when I know you're watching your girl crush on stage covered in sweat while singing, speaking your language. We won't work long distance. If your still down for it, then I will be whatever you want me to be when I get back". 

I'm smiling through a frown, my eyes becoming little swimming pools I watch him dive into. I nod at him speechless and pained. I can't find the words and so I say the stupidest thing. "Good luck out there Freddie. I'll see you in a couple months". He looks sad, like he wanted me to beg him to stay. I think if I had cried, he would've dropped his bag, opened his arms and told me we could work something out. 

"You really love Taylor huh". He says through a bitter laugh. 

"I love you, too". I say awkwardly. 

He picks up his suitcase and walks to my front door. Turning back just once, "I really hope you figure it out Luce, for your good as well as mine." I nod and swallow a lump in my throat. "Goodbye Lucile". He whispers and I give him a sad little wave. 

"Bye Freddie".                                Gone. Just like that. 

,,,

She tells me I'm awfully quiet on the tedious flight to Australia. So much so it's "worrying" her. And I get the urge to just tell her I love her but decide against it. Another missed shot. "Freddie and I broke up. I'm just, processing." I say and her eyebrows shoot to her forehead. 

"Why didn't you call me Luce?". She asks. 

"As I said, I'm...Processing". 

She frowns at me. "Luce, I'm so sorry. I seriously thought you were meant for each other". She empathizes and I can't help but roll my eyes in my mind at the irony. 

"Yeah, no uh. We just decided that long distance wasn't going to work. We might pick things up once he's done shooting and I'm done with Eras. But Molly's on my back about doing my own headlining tour after so, look who knows". I explain the half-truth and she nod. 

"If me and Trav could do it I'm sure you both can too. He's flying out while were in Sydney by the way". 

"Great!". I exclaim with my actress face on. 

,,,

I may be a hot mess right now. But nothing beats the joy of playing at MCG in Melbourne, Australia. The crowd is a rainbow of Taylor's eras. They chant my songs, and dance as the sun begins to set. I smile and wave at the young girls and blow kisses to the masses. Singing is the one place I'm free. 

Euphoria grounds me. 

It's three nights of bliss. 

The best part might not even be performing, when I get to watch Taylor at her best for three hours, performing to her thousands of fans. She makes it look so easy. I sing along, whether I'm sad or not. I will enjoy this moment. This break from reality. 

That's what a Taylor Swift concert is for anyway, right?

,,,

Taylor is fucking obsessed with Sydney Zoo. It makes me laugh behind the camera. She's wearing denim shorts and a shirt. I'm wearing ballet flats and a teal velvet dress. After she's done galivanting around we go to dinner. The paparazzi is insane. So are the fans. 

"I'm dropping a new album later this year Tay". I say after her fifth glass of red wine and my third peach iced tea. I can't drink alcohol anymore. For almost a year. Noones noticed, so I don't bother explaining. I'll cry about it alone later. 

She almost spits out the drink that's staining her lips purple. "Lucile, that's fucking great?! But save some chance for lil ol musicians like me to win album of the year!" She gushes and I can't help but blush. 

"Yeah, well you're bound to win next week". I muse and she smiles excitedly. 

"The Grammys are going to be lit, if I win, I'm announcing TTPD. If I lose, I get to go to afterparty's with you in expensive outfits were probably going to spill a few drinks on". I smile at the blonde sportingly as she gets more and more excited. 

(A/N- I KNOW THE GRAMMYS WERE BEFORE AUSTRALIA BUT LET'S PRETEND)

"You're cute". 

It slips out. 

I know I've fucked up when I see a twitch in her eyebrow and a confused expression. 

Her mouths parted, she's surprised. 

"Uh, thanks Luce". 

And everything's awkward for the rest of dinner. 

A/N- not to be cocky, but I am a decent writer. personally, I feel this book is embarrassingly bad. it's mainly because I'm not super into it and I guess I'm just rushed, half assed writing.  I will be dropping a Taylors daughter one hopefully soon. And an original and maybe some others from my drafts. It doesn't mean I'll be ending this. I'm quite likely going to start another Tay x OC gxg fic too so don't stress. Bottom line, these are dumb 700-word chapters when I should be and can be writing descriptive 5000-word chapters. Love you all. And shoutout to honestly_ily13 <3