Letting my love go

Part 5

(Where's Sean)

This is my fifth sessions with Doctor Roberts, I told her how I'm worried about Sean, again she told me what she always tells me she can't tell me anything about him, and I have to work on what's going on with me so I can help my friend. We talked about my promise to Dontae, she said no one can keep a promise like that, and maybe Dontae didn't mean it the way heard it. I told her I know what he meant, if I don't keep his promise, I feel like I'm betraying him, she asked me deep down do I feel guilty for having feelings for Sean and I made Dontae a promise, I told her yes. She said let's deal with that, but at our next session, she told me she'll see me on Thursday, she gave me an appointment card and told me to this about things. She did ask me how I am sleeping, I told her better, but my bed is cold, she said that I'll have to deal with on my own, I left out of her office

 I saw a door closing, I thought I was her last appointment for the day, I walked out of the outer office and walked to the elevator, I felt my pockets and didn't find my keys, I must've left them in the office, I went back in and walked to the back, and I heard Seans voice.

I busted in the office, Doctor Roberts said I shouldn't be in here, I told her I left my keys, I got them out of the chair, Sean just stood by the window with his back turned to me, I asked him how's he doing, Roberts told me I need to leave. I told Sean as he can see I'm getting help and I want to see him, he turned around and his face was all bruised up, oh my God what happened to you.

 Doctor Roberts said she has to insist that I leave, I did and waited outside of her office, that bastard Gavin Davis did that to Sean, I've never been so mad in my life other than when I lost Dontae, I wanted to kill that guy. After an hour and a half Roberts came out of her office, she said I shouldn't be here, I told her I had to wait and talk to Sean, she said he left a half hour ago. I told her he couldn't have left, I've been out here waiting, she said he left out the back way, now just let Sean deal with what's going on with him.

I asked her did that guy do that to his face, she told me goodnight and got on the elevator, she answered my question, while waiting for the other elevator, I called Seans mom and told her I saw him, and I told her what I thought happened to him, she said thanks, and she'll have her people find Sean, again she thanked me and hung up.

The elevator came and I got on, I hope Seans alright, I miss him so much, the elevator doors opened on the ground floor, I got off and walked out of the medical building and got in my car and left. I went home and checked my answering machine; gran left me a message telling me to call her she's back in town.

I called her and told her everything, she asked me do I really love Sean, or is this a rebound thing, I told her I do love him, she said enough to let Dontae go. I told her I do, and Dontae will always be a part of me, gran said it sounds like I'm moving on, I told her I'm trying.

Gran told me to pray for Sean, if it's meant for us it will happen, she said come over for dinner tomorrow night, I told her I will, gran said love me, I told her love her too.

 I did what gran told me and prayed for Sean, and to take care of that Gavin guy, I ate something, and watched a movie, I kept thinking about Sean. My house phone rang, I answered it the guard at the gate said there's a Mr. Delaney here to see me, I told him to let him in, thank God Seans here.

 A few minutes later the doorbell rang, I ran to the door and said babe your back, but when the person turned around, it wasn't Sean, he said his name is Robert Delaney, he's Sean's cousin, do I remember him, I told him yes, where's Sean. He told me Sean's alright, and he sent him here, I asked him to come in, he said he just wanted to give me something from Sean, he handed me an envelope and left.

I closed the door and opened the envelope, I read the letter, it said dear Sasha I'm glad you're getting help, but please don't try and find me, I won't be seeing Doctor Roberts anymore, right now I don't want a relationship with anyone, I hope you find that special someone who can fill Dontae's shoes, I really wish you well.

 I leaned against the door and cried, I lost him and it's all my fault, if I had let Dontae go Sean would be here with me now, and he wouldn't have gone back to his place for that Gavin dude to hurt him.

 My heart was so full, I walked in the living room and set on the couch, the day turned into night, and the night turned into the next morning, Ms. Parker came into the door and said I'm up early, I told her I haven't been to bed. She asked me what's wrong, I gave her the note, she read it and said she's sorry. If it were meant to be it will be or it won't, she left the room, that didn't help the way I'm feeling about Sean.

I went upstairs and just got in bed, a half an hour later Ms. Parker knocked on the door and told me breakfast is ready, I got out of bed and just locked the door, I told her I'm not hungry, she said I need to eat something, I told her just leave me alone please.

I got back in bed, and put the blanket over my head, later Ms. Parker knocked on the door and said my dinner is in the warmer if I want to eat, she's leaving now, I didn't say anything.

I got Dontae's pic and put it in the nightstand drawer, the only one I want to hear from is Sean, I got up and peed and went back to bed.

The next morning Ms. Parker knocked on the door and said she's not cooking around here until I come out of here, I hollered fine now leave me alone. Ten minutes later my phone rang, I didn't answer it, the caller called again, I let it go to voice message, but it rang again, I still didn't answer it, the ringing stopped good they got the message to leave me alone.

 I stayed in my room for two days, Ms. Parker knocked on the door and said gran wants me to come downstairs, I didn't say anything, she said fine she'll let gran deal with me, I put the blanket over my head. A few minutes later I heard someone outside my door, Ms. Parker just tell gran I don't want to see anyone, I heard the doorknob shaking and the door came open its gran, with a key in her hand, she walked in and told me to get out of that bed right now, I told her can she just leave me alone.

 She went in my closet and came back in with a belt, gran I'm a grown man she can't be using a belt on me, she said I'm not acting like a grown man, now again get out of that bed, I put the blanket over my head.

Gran snatched the blanket off of me, she started hitting me with the belt, she told me if I'm going to act like a child, she'll treat me like one and beat my ass, she stopped and told me now get my ass in the bathroom and take a shower got this room smelling like ass. I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, I took my clothes off and got in, after I finished showering, I got dried off and put my robe on and hoping gran left. I opened the door and no such luck, gran told me to sit down and eat, she's not having any foolishness out of me, I sat on the bed and gran watched me eat.

 I ate as much as I could, she told me to eat some more, I did, she called Ms. Parker and she came into the room, she told her she can take the tray down and she can finish changing the bedding, gran told me to get dressed, and don't even think about locking that door, she left the room.

I got some clothes and put them on and I opened the balcony door and climbed out, and ran to the garage apartment and stayed in there, I heard gran calling me, she said stop acting like a two year old and stop hiding, is she going to have to call Doctor Roberts, she'll have me committed to a nut house now come out from hiding.

Dammit I know gran she'll do it too; I came out of hiding and went to the kitchen, gran said she's worried about me, I cried, and she held me, I told her I'm letting Dontae go, but now I don't have Sean, I never thought I could feel this way about anyone but Dontae. Gran told me just get myself together and like she said if it's meant for us it will happen, she has a feeling about Sean just like she did Dontae, I hugged gran and cried again. I hope she's right; I really want Sean back into my life.