Exposing Her Heart

40🖤. pieces

We going back into the lovey dovey section, not entirely, slowly but surely

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3 years later
Elmira, New York
7:42 pm

Zhara's POV:

Sighing I walked to the room my recently three years old was sleeping in

Picking her up I look to her brother who was still asleep

He's the calm one but him sister love bawl dung eh place sah

I hiss my teeth looking at the child

You must be wondering what happened

Well Xave dipped, like the bum ass nigga he is

He literally talked a bunch a nun about being present for these children not that we even knew it would be twins at the time

I haven't been working, I have money to last though

I didn't entirely gave up on my first child but aye raising two children without a dad leaves you with no time

Putting the bottle to her mouth she starts screaming as if I was killing her

"Yu know the baby nuh like dat, mi nuh know weh yu have them fah if Yu never want them"

I roll my eyes as my mom walks over to the couch

"Fava r father, Yu puppa wutliss baby, just like Yu muma"

Mi naah look pon r eno

"I'm going home soon to go clean up my son grave" I nod not saying a word to her

Nuh know why she deh yah in the first place blaming me fi r son death

Cause a always Zhara's fault

"Yu look like yaah suffer nuh make nobody from yard see Yu so n-"

I hiss my teeth loudly getting up as tears fill my eyes

This pickney still a scream dung eh rass place, I walk back to where her brother was throwing her a bit harshly into the playpen. Not purposely though

Going straight to my room I fall to the ground in tears, the full body mirror before me leaning on the wall showing me a clear depiction of what have become of me

Might just kill myself n done

Yes, dat mi ago do

Why mi one so salt

Mi warn Mar eno, mi even try help him n........

Letting out a shakey breath I cover my mouth to scream

Mi shoulda just get an abortion why mi neva do that

Crying myself to sleep I suddenly was awake, the room now dark

After taking a shower I put on my clothes getting ready to go out

Them granny deh yah she might preach how mi shoulda kill them n summo but she nice to them........... sometimes

I walk out the front door going straight to my car

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Drunk like bat

I'm well aware of what I'm doing but it's like I can't stop

Smoking my blunt I tap the table signaling another drink

Just another night

Wish mi coulda just get better

My eyes immediately get teary as I think about the children at home who I can't stand to see for more than a couple minutes