Green With Envy || Yoonmin

Extra; "I love you"

The house was quiet, save for the occasional creak of the old wood floors beneath their feet. Jimin was in the kitchen, staring at the countertop where two neatly packaged takeout boxes rested. Jinsu had ordered food for them both, his voice echoing in Jimin's head: "I thought we'd try something new today. Maybe it'll help."

Jimin clenched his fists at his sides. He wanted to get better. He really did. He wanted to eat like everyone else, to not feel the creeping dread that coiled in his gut every time food was placed in front of him. Jinsu's voice had been soft, reassuring, and as he walked toward the bedroom, Jimin told himself over and over that he could do this. That it was just food. That he could eat for Jinsu-he owed him that much.

As he pushed open the door to his bedroom, the scent of greasy takeout filled the air, and there Jinsu was, casually lounging on Jimin's bed with a box already in his hands. He smiled at Jimin, his expression soft, encouraging. "Come on, try some," Jinsu said, patting the space beside him. Jimin sat down, his heart already racing. He picked up his own box and slowly opened it, the sight of the food making his stomach churn violently. But Jinsu's presence beside him was a force that tethered him to this moment, kept him from fleeing.

With trembling hands, Jimin took a bite. The taste flooded his senses-salty, savory, greasy. Each bite felt heavier than the last, the weight of the food pulling him further into a spiral of self-loathing. Jinsu continued to talk, his voice a soothing hum, offering comforting words. "You're doing so well, Jimin," he said softly, resting a hand on Jimin's shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

But Jimin couldn't focus on the words anymore. The food in his mouth felt foreign, like an invader that didn't belong. Every bite seemed to expand in his throat, growing larger and larger until he couldn't swallow it down. His mind was screaming, disgust coiling like a snake in his gut. His body betrayed him, and before he could stop himself, he shot up from the bed, running to the bathroom.

Jimin fell to his knees before the toilet, his entire body heaving as he forced the food back up. His throat burned, his eyes watered, but none of it compared to the shame that washed over him in sickening waves. He was disgusting-repulsive. He shouldn't have eaten. He never should have tried. He was weak, so horribly weak.

Jinsu was behind him in an instant, just as he always was. He knelt beside Jimin, rubbing soothing circles on his back as Jimin retched. "I'm sorry," Jimin choked out between gasps, his voice broken and raw. "I'm so sorry. I'm disgusting, Jinsu, I'm so disgusting."

"Shh," Jinsu murmured, his voice a gentle lull. "It's okay, Jimin. You're not disgusting. You're doing your best, and that's all that matters."

Jimin collapsed against the cool tile floor, sobbing uncontrollably. The tears came fast, each one a reminder of his failure, his inadequacy. He was curled up on the bathroom floor, a pathetic mess of a person, and yet Jinsu stayed there. He wrapped his arms tightly around Jimin, pulling him close, as if he could shield him from his own demons. "I'll always be here for you," Jinsu whispered. "Always. I promise."

Those words, that promise, soothed Jimin like a balm. He clung to Jinsu, desperate for that safety, for the hope that maybe-just maybe-he wouldn't always feel this way. That maybe one day, he could be better.

But the next day at school, everything unraveled. Jimin walked down the hallway, his head low, trying to fade into the background. But as he passed the clusters of students, he felt it-a shift in the air. People were staring at him. Some whispered behind cupped hands, others pointed blatantly at him.

Panic gripped his chest like a vice as laughter rang in his ears-high-pitched, mocking, cruel. "Anorexic freak," someone jeered from behind him. "Bet he can't even keep water down," another voice chimed in. Jimin's heart raced as the world seemed to close in on him, the walls of the school pressing in from every side. His vision blurred with unshed tears as the laughter echoed louder and louder. How did they know? How could they possibly know?

Then, like a sharp blade to the gut, the realization struck him. Jinsu. Jinsu had told them. His best friend, the one who had held him through every breakdown, had exposed him to the world, turned his deepest pain into a cruel joke for everyone to mock.

Jimin's breath came in shallow gasps. His hands trembled as he stumbled into the bathroom, the same place where Jinsu had once comforted him. But now, the space felt suffocating, hostile. He stood in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection-the hollow eyes, the too-thin frame, the ghost of a person he used to be. How could Jinsu do this to me? His thoughts screamed in his head, louder than the jeers and taunts that echoed just outside the bathroom door.

The betrayal hit him harder than anything else. Jimin slid down against the bathroom wall, his body trembling as sobs wracked through him. He wanted to disappear, to vanish into the air and leave behind nothing but the faintest memory of who he once was.

And then, just as quickly as it began, the nightmare shattered.

Jimin jolts awake, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. The darkness of his room feels thick, suffocating, and his body is covered in a cold sweat. He sits up, his hands trembling as he wipes at his tear-streaked face. His breaths comes in rapid, shallow bursts, each one filled with the remnants of the nightmare that felt all too real.

He can still feel it-the weight of Jinsu's arms around him, the sound of his whispered promises. He can still hear the mocking laughter that had haunted him, see the cruel faces of his classmates and Jinsu's girlfriend as they ridiculed him. The terror, the heartbreak-it was as if he was thrown back into that moment, reliving it all over again.

Jimin pulls his knees to his chest, burying his face in his arms as sobs beginto escape him. The nightmare lingers, a ghost that won't let go, and even though he knows it was just a dream, the pain feels real. Every time he closes his eyes, he can see Jinsu's face-hear his laughter. That broken promise echoes in his mind, over and over again: "I'll always be here for you."

But Jimin knows better now. That promise was nothing but a lie, and it left a wound that still didn't heal. The nightmares were just a reminder of the scars Jinsu left behind, scars that Jimin isn't sure will ever fully fade.

He fails to notice Yoongi shifting beside him until he felt a warm hand on his back. Jimin almost jumped, then he realized it's just Yoongi. He moved closer to him, laying in Yoongi's inviting arms as he silently cries. "I'm sorry I woke you up," he softly says. And as usual, Yoongi shakes his head. "It's alright. The same nightmare again?" He asks, and Jimin slowly nods. "Don't you want to tell me what's it about this time?" Yoongi asks and receives a small "no, I don't want to worry you. It's not a big deal," from Jimin.

Yoongi sighs, sitting up straight with Jimin still is his arms. He rests his back against the bed headboard, Jimin's head laying on his shoulder. "It's about Jinsu, isn't it?" Yoongi can feel Jimin freeze as soon as the words leave his mouth. "How- how'd you k-know--" The younger stutters, his demeanor different. He can feel his body starting to shake, but Yoongi is there to hold him tighter. "It doesn't matter. Why haven't you told me about it, Jimin?"

Jimin can hear the disappointment in Yoongi's voice, instantly feeling guilty. "I'm sorry--"

"You don't have to apologize for anything," Yoongi interrupts him. "I'm just confused... Did you not trust me enough to tell me, or what is it? We've been living together for a long time now,"

"I know, I just-" he sighs. "I just thought if I told you, you'd look at me differently,"

"Jimin, you're the victim here. How on earth would I think that?"

No one says a thing for at least an hour. They lay in the darkness, each passing moment is a moment closer to the sunrise, and the window starts to protrude some light. Not too much, though, just enough light for Yoongi to make sense of Jimin's face. Soft sniffles from Jimin can still be heard through the dimly lit, silent room.

"I was scared, Yoongi. I'm sorry I didn't trust you sooner. You reminded me so much of him, I almost gave in. It's like I'm going through the whole Jinsu experience again, but without the pain and betrayal. Just love and admiration. I loved him so much, Yoongi. I thought I'd never feel the same way with anyone else. Then you proved that love could come without pain if you find the right person. You make me happy,"

"I know,"

"I love you,"

"I love you too, Jimin."