stars • d.m

4.4

"Do you ever miss your dad?" Cedric asked.

Estella was a little taken aback.

"Sorry, of course you do. I meant, how often do you think about him?" Cedric explained.

The two were walking the castle grounds after classes had ended for them. They were waiting for Padma to finish a project in the library to then meet them for dinner.

"You'd think I'd say every day but in all honesty, when you'd least expect it."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like, during the big important moments in life, I don't think about him and how he should be here. But then I'm making a dish that I suddenly remember how he used to make perfectly and the world comes caving in"

"That must be hard, I'm sorry Estella."

"It's a weird thing to navigate but it's okay."

"You know that you're loved right?"

"...I think so?"

"I know that sounds silly. But I'm serious, you have people who love you, Estella. You're family to me. There's no getting rid of me."

Estella wanted to forget that memory. It was no longer a sentimental one but a reminder that repeatedly stabbed her heart.

She felt so lost. Nothing made sense and everything was hurting. The world was moving on without her and she did not know how to move with it.

A part of her had believed that in losing one person she cared about, there was no way life would be cruel again to take another. She was wrong. It made her angry with the universe. It also made her scared because who was going to be next? How much more could she handle?

It was not fair. Any of it. Cedric should have made it out alive. His father should not be burying his son. Friends should not be broken. Cho Chang should not be marked with a memory such as this to side with the description of her first love. This should be a happy day. Estella should not have to go through this. No one should. There was nothing she could do about it and it made her feel so defenseless.

All of it and more was weighing down on her. She could not do anything but stay in bed. She knew she needed to get up. She did not want to be there in that castle. The one he was supposed to come back to. But she could not get up.

She had started to close the window when a strong gust of wind took the knob out of her hand. It broke into the room and blew her hair out of her face. She watched the sun shine through and started to feel a sense of comfort from the wind. It was the first positive emotion she had felt in the past few days.

Was it a sign? Was it Cedric? She was not sure nor did she want to spend time thinking about it. What she was sure of was that it was enough at that moment to get out of bed and chase that sunset on the train ride home. It was a revelation that she would be okay that day. Tomorrow was a different story but as long as she could make it home.