Bad Boyfriend

Open Wounds

Rain's mouth suddenly feels dry and the realization that Ple has indeed gotten to Phayu before him and his secret is now out hits him like a tidal wave all at once.

And all he could utter is, "I'm sorry."

Phayu is momentarily quiet and those mere seconds feel like an eternity to Rain until, finally, he pipes up. "You know what's funny?" He asks. And, no, Rain can't think of anything that could possibly be funny at the moment.

Phayu continues. "One of the things I really liked about you was your honesty, Rain."

A tear escapes Rain's eye but no words spill from his lips.

"But for once...I wish you would've just lied." Phayu rasps, his back still on the other. He plants his hands on the table and lets his head hang. "I would've believed you. Even if all the signs say otherwise; I would still believe you."

"P'Phayu..."

"Tell me. Why are you trying to come clean all of a sudden? Is it because you feel guilty...or because you want to break up so you can be with Prapai?"

Rain's eyes widen. His heart smashes against his ribcage and he shoots up from his seat faster than he can blink. "That's not true, phi. I-I just felt bad, lying to you...and to your parents. I just wanted you to hear it from me and not-"

Phayu turns around and there's something about the sharpness in his eyes; it's not the same one that Rain is used to. Back then, no matter how angry he pretended to be, Rain could find warmth in those eyes.

But right now, there's only hurt and anger. He comes closer and says coldly, "I hope you mean that, Rain. Because whether you like it or not, I have no intentions of letting you go."

He isn't breaking up with Rain and yet something feels off.

Rain nods and takes Phayu's hand. "I mean it, phi. It's you I wanna be with now." But albeit gently, Phayu slips his hand off Rain's. "Go to your class." He orders and Rain's hands have never felt so bare and empty.

"O-okay, phi. I'll see you later?" It comes out like a question to which Phayu just nods.

Rain can understand; he would be angry too if it were him. But he's holding onto the hope that Phayu would eventually forgive him and they'll be just like they were before.

He timidly excuses himself and once Phayu hears the doors shut, he slumps down on the couch with his arm across his eyes. And before he knew it, wetness trickles down the side of his face.

This sucks.

~~~

Sky observed the redness around Rain's eyes when he came to class that afternoon. He couldn't ask right away because class started almost instantly after Rain arrived. But once the bell rings, he immediately shuffles to Rain's desk.

"Rain, what happened? You said you'd tell Phayu today. Did you?" He can't help but feel jittery; he's terrified of the consequences Rain might suffer due to his own error.

But then, Rain shakes his head.

"You didn't?"

Rain shakes his head again and rubs his eyes before he could cry—again. "I didn't...Ple did."

Sky is flabbergasted. "W-what?" No, no, no! This isn't how it's supposed to happen. Sky's guilt churns his stomach and rakes at his throat; they were too late.

"He didn't break up with me." Rain says with a forced smile and Sky almost feels relieved. "But I can tell how angry he is." The boy adds, his voice breaking. "I don't know when his anger will subside and, I know I deserve it, but it still hurts."

Sky shakes his head. "Rain, no. You...you don't deserve this." This is all my fault, Sky wanted to say. But he doesn't dare add to Rain's current problems.

"I have to go, Sky. P'Phayu's waiting for me."

Sky nods, placing a hand on Rain's and slightly squeezing it as if to say 'hang in there'. He holds back his own tears from falling, afraid Rain will see right through him.

Rain and Phayu don't exchange words when they meet. The latter simply hands Rain his helmet and waits for him to hold onto him which the boy does so quite hesitantly. He just isn't sure Phayu isn't replused by his touch.

But thankfully, Phayu doesn't say anything and just starts to drive.

At first, it was just normal although the ride was exceptionally quiet. But halfway through, Phayu's thoughts drift; to the first day he let Rain on his bike, to when Rain tried fondling him while backpacking, and to when they kissed before Rain ran into his house with his cheeks flaring.

They were such fond memories. But now, he knows they were all lies.

It's not like he expected Rain to be in love with him that soon but he at least thought those acts of affection were indeed for him and not anyone else—especially not Prapai.

Prapai...he suddenly remembers how Rain and Pai used to meet to "study". Chompoo tried to warn him but he chose to believe Rain, he chose him—always. And that makes the betrayal all the more painful.

Unconsciously, he starts to go faster and the wind cutting through them begins to feel a little sharp. Rain's stomach is in knots and he's getting scared that they might get into an accident but at the same time, he doesn't want to complain.

There's tears in his eyes once again but not from fear, but from the sadness that's been eating away at him. He misses Phayu; he's right here but he feels so far and Rain misses him so much.

Just then, Phayu feels Rain's arms tightening around his waist. And it's then he snaps awake and realizes the speed they're going in. He instantly feels bad and slows down until they reach the shoulder and he comes to a stop.

He takes off his helmet and turns to Rain. The boy isn't making a sound but he's visibly crying.

"Rain, fuck, I'm sorry."

But at this, Rain shakes his head. "I-I'm fine, phi. The wind was just a bit strong so my eyes teared up."

Lie. Another lie.

But Phayu knows Rain's intention; the boy just doesn't want him to feel guilty for nearly killing them both.

Phayu shakes his head. He wonders if they can actually bounce back from this. What if...instead of healing, they end up hurting each other even more?

To be continued...

~~~

Author's note:

Ouch! I literally feel bad for everyone; Rain, Phayu and even Sky. 😔