Bessoted (By you)

XXI: Self-understanding

The world won't wait for you.

It doesn't matter if you just received life-shattering news or experienced the worst heartbreak of your life, time will move on and it won't wait for you to catch back up with its orbit. Everything will keep moving no matter how pitiful you may be as you try to gather the scattered pieces of yourself.

This was a bitter lesson [Name] had to learn early on in Spain, forcing himself to stand back up to rush forward just so he doesn't get left behind by his much more talented peers. It was a hard task, he fell over and over again, his knees bloodied and bruised, but his hard work finally ended up paying off.

He can proudly stand beside his team. He can finally stand beside his team, Real Madrid, and belong.

But did he belong? His mind whispered venemously.

And even if he did, for how much longer?

[Name] clenched his fists tightly, eyes focused on the ball before his foot. In a moment of frustration, he kicked. He grabbed another ball and delivered another hard kick. He continued this over and over until dozens of balls around the practice field as he heaved tiredly.

Nevertheless, he pressed on and continued to kick the balls into the goal. He needed to boost his accuracy rate. He's got a pretty good shot but it was meaningless in the face of geniuses like Kaiser and Sae who can turn impossible situations into a miracle.

No matter how much he ached from training, it didn't matter. Unless he yields results, no one else will know how much he's worked his ass off. No one will be able to see the ache in his muscles or the strain in his joints, only his performance and nothing more.

Never more.

One, two, three.

Repeat.

One, two, three.

Once more.

One, two, three-

Not good enough.

It was a vicious cycle of rinse and repeat, an addicting cycle of self-loathing disguised as training to be better. No matter how much it hurts his body, he presses on. Because if he gives up now when he hasn't been able to achieve anything at all, then what use was all the suffering he went through?

But no matter how much he yearns, tries, wishes-

Satori [Name] is no genius.

Soon enough, he'll run out of fuel. And when he does, no one will bother to look back at him because the world won't wait. Why would they bother with a thing of the past when they had perfectly good candidates continuously rising up to become the top players in the world?

Bitterness spread across his tongue as he clenched his fists tightly, his gaze turning somewhat blurry as he looked down at the fake grass surrounding his feet. He bit his lips harshly, willing himself to pull his emotions together so he could continue practicing.

That didn't seem to work, however, as it only made him more upset. A choke suddenly escapes [Name]'s lips as he snaps out of the pathetic stupor he's been stuck in ever since he started training today. His heart burned as he took in ragged breaths.

He was crying.

Just when he thought he couldn't get any more pathetic, he started crying.

A rue laugh couldn't help but escape his lips at that as he sat down on the ground, shuffling himself backward until he hit the wall. He pulled his legs tightly against his chest and let his head rest against his knees.

He hugged himself tighter than ever as if that sole movement was the last thing keeping himself together. And in some way, it probably was.

It was silent in the training room, something he personally reserved for himself to use today. He didn't know how long he's been here but he was sure it was about time someone else came in for practice as well.

He can't help but wonder what they'd feel if someone were to encounter him like this, all hunched up against himself like it was the end of the world and the entire place was collapsing. Would they pity him? Or would they feel disgusted that he was even in this situation to begin with?

Before he could process anything, the automatic door to the practice room shuffled open as a figure walked inside. [Name]'s head shot up against his will and his gaze met dark magenta eyes.

They stared at one another quietly, their eyes holding a silent conversation in mere seconds. Ness took a tentative step forward and when he saw [Name] continuing to watch him with unblinking eyes, continued on steadily.

Before long, Ness stood in front of the blonde striker as [Name] looked up at the midfielder in front of him. Neither said a word of the situation they found themselves in as Ness simply sat down beside him with an ungrateful thump.

[Name] watched Ness pull his legs up against his chest as well before turning to look forward once more. He didn't need to observe him long enough to come to the conclusion that they were evidently in the same boat, given Ness's red-rimmed eyes.

They were quite pathetic, he couldn't help but muse to himself. Unlike earlier, the thought wasn't so much hate-filled as it was more amused.

As much as he loved and admired Sae, this patheticness was something he could never share with the man. Not when he looked at him as though he were far greater than he actually was. Normally, it was quite flattering but in times like this, it made him ache. Ache in the sense that he'll never be able to live up to it no matter how many years he practices.

Somehow, he could imagine the aloof man scoffing before chiding that he was merely not practicing hard enough. The thought should've made him angry, it used to actually, but not anymore. Once again, this was something Sae could never understand.

He'll never experience the feeling of losing before the race even starts, all because someone got a little bit more lucky when it came to fate's pool of talent.

Once again, his thoughts were cut off by a muffled sob. But this time, it didn't come from himself. [Name] didn't bother to turn to check if Ness was actually crying.

Despite the circumstances, he couldn't help but find a bit of relief. Not at the fact that someone might be in a more miserable position than him but because he knows he's not alone. In a world of geniuses who shone like stars, there was an equal amount of people who suffered silently in their shadows.

Silently, [Name] shuffled a bit closer to Ness before tilting his head to lay on the other teen. Ness stiffened momentarily at the action before relaxing and leaning back onto him.

Itoshi Sae and Michael Kaiser, both renowned players in the football world as rising stars, the next generation that'll shake the world up as they surpass their predecessors. They were the fan favorites, the ones who the people were rooting for.

Satori [Name] and Alexis Ness, the supporting actors set to make the stars of the team shine even brighter. People regarded them as nothing but stepping stones to be thrown away, the underdogs that they felt pity for but nothing more.

[Name] pressed his lips tightly at the thought as his hands clenched unconsciously.

If they were to be treated as the shadows following the stars to make them shine brighter, then fine, he'll play his part. If he can't be the star then he'll be one hell of a shadow, an all-encompassing abyss.

A dark flicker appears deep within [Name]'s eyes as he lets himself mull over his thoughts. His eyes gazed down in understanding at the person sitting next to him. It felt like a darkened tide, eerily calm and still, had replaced the burning inferno that once rippled in his heart like molten lava.

World 11 players? The uncrowned kings?

Screw those titles.

He'll be the black hole that'll consume all light from the stars around him.

__________

Guess who's back?! :shock:

Nothing too interesting in this short chapter other than a mild character study for [Name] but hope you guys enjoy it anyways!