mute

chapter 3

The next morning, Billie Eilish awoke with a sense of dread, but this time it was accompanied by something else—a vague sense of relief. The events of the previous day had been overwhelming, breaking her down in ways she hadn’t anticipated. But in the aftermath, something had shifted. As she lay in bed, she listened to the quiet murmurs of her parents talking downstairs, the smell of breakfast wafting through the house.

She knew that today was going to be different.

When she finally gathered the courage to get up, she found her parents, Maggie and Patrick, sitting at the kitchen table with Finneas. They looked up when she entered, their faces filled with a mixture of concern and love.

"Good morning, sweetheart," her mother said softly, signing the words as she spoke. Billie noticed the way Maggie’s fingers trembled slightly as she signed, the worry etched into every movement.

Billie forced a small smile, though it didn’t reach her eyes. She sat down at the table, looking from her parents to Finneas, sensing that something important was about to happen.

“Billie,” her father began, his voice gentle but serious. “We’ve been talking, and we think it might be best for you to take a break from school.”

Billie’s heart skipped a beat. The thought of not having to go back to that place, to the noise and the pressure, filled her with relief. But at the same time, the idea of leaving behind the structure, the routine she had known for so long, terrified her. Routine was something Billie relied on, something that kept her grounded in a world that often felt chaotic and unpredictable.

“We’ve decided that homeschooling might be a better option for you right now,” Maggie continued, her eyes soft with understanding. “We want you to feel safe, Billie. We want you to be in an environment where you can focus on learning without all the stress and anxiety.”

Finneas reached across the table, giving Billie’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “We’re all here for you, Billie. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Billie looked down at her hands, her mind racing. The thought of homeschooling was both a relief and a new source of anxiety. It would mean being away from the bullies, away from the suffocating environment of school. But it would also mean a disruption to her routine, something that had always been hard for her to handle.

She nodded slowly, trying to process the decision. “I understand,” she signed, her fingers moving slowly as if she was still trying to convince herself. “But… it’s going to be hard.”

“We know, sweetheart,” her father said, his voice full of empathy. “But we’ll be here to help you every step of the way. You don’t have to do this alone.”

The decision was made. Billie’s parents called the school, arranging for her to be withdrawn, and began the process of setting up a homeschooling plan. They worked with teachers to get the materials Billie would need, creating a curriculum that would allow her to learn at her own pace, in the comfort and safety of her home.

But as the day wore on, the reality of the change began to set in. The comfort of being at home was overshadowed by the anxiety of the unknown. Her routine had been upended, and Billie found herself struggling to adapt. The lack of structure left her feeling unmoored, adrift in a sea of uncertainty.

By the afternoon, the tension inside her had built to a breaking point. Billie could feel the familiar sensation of her tics intensifying, the warning signs that a severe attack was coming. She tried to focus on her work, to distract herself, but it was no use. The tics took over, her body jerking violently as she struggled to regain control.

Her parents were nearby, trying to help in any way they could, but the tics were relentless. Billie’s arms flailed, her hands striking out uncontrollably. She hit the table, knocking over books and papers, and when her mother tried to hold her, she struck out, hitting Maggie in the arm. The pain and frustration mounted, and Billie’s tics became even more violent.