Chapter: Exploring Regression
The next day, Billie found herself once again in the familiar therapy office, sitting across from Dr. Cassidy. The session was quieter than usual. Billie wasn’t sure what to expect. She didn’t want to talk—or rather, sign—about the previous meltdown, but it was clear Dr. Cassidy was guiding the conversation in that direction.
After a long pause, Dr. Cassidy finally spoke, her voice gentle and understanding. “Billie, I know how overwhelming things can get for you, especially when there are so many big emotions and sensory overloads. We’ve talked about different strategies before, but today I want to suggest something that might help you cope with these emotions in a way that feels safe for you.”
Billie watched her closely, hands resting in her lap, feeling the subtle tension of her body ready to tic at any moment.
“Have you heard of age regression?” Dr. Cassidy asked, watching Billie carefully. Billie shook her head slightly, curious but unsure.
Dr. Cassidy continued, “It’s a therapeutic tool some people use to cope with overwhelming emotions. It allows you to return to a childlike state of mind, where you feel safe, comforted, and free of the responsibilities and anxieties that come with being an adult. I think it might help you manage your meltdowns and give you a way to express emotions in a gentler way, rather than them building up until they explode.”
Billie blinked, absorbing the information. She had heard of age regression vaguely in passing, but she hadn’t ever considered it for herself. Her fingers began to move, signing slowly, How would that help me?
“Well,” Dr. Cassidy said, “when you regress, you can let go of the pressures of trying to handle everything at once. You can express yourself freely, without fear of judgment, and if you have someone you trust to help care for you in that state, it might prevent meltdowns from reaching their breaking point. It can give you a sense of control in an otherwise overwhelming world.”
Billie thought about it for a moment, her tics ticking in her throat with a soft “Hm!” sound. She wasn’t sure. It felt strange, and the idea of regressing to a younger state made her nervous, but at the same time, it intrigued her. Could it really help with the meltdowns?
Dr. Cassidy offered a kind smile. “It’s something you can try when you feel safe and ready. If it doesn’t work for you, that’s okay, too. It’s just another tool to explore. You don’t have to do it alone—you can involve Odessa if you want, or even your family. They can help create a safe space for you.”
As Billie left therapy that day, her mind was full of new thoughts and possibilities. The idea of regression felt strange but also, in a way, comforting. She signed to her mom on the way home, telling her a little about what Dr. Cassidy had said, though she kept the details vague for now.
When she got home, Odessa was waiting for her in the living room, as usual. Billie walked over and sat beside her, signing slowly, Dr. Cassidy suggested I try something new.
Odessa tilted her head, curious. “What did she suggest?”
Billie’s hands moved with more confidence as she explained, She said I should try age regression. It might help with meltdowns and the big feelings I can’t always control.
Odessa nodded thoughtfully, then smiled warmly. “I think that sounds like a good idea. Do you want to try it now? I can be here with you, and I’ll help however you need.”
Billie hesitated, her fingers fidgeting as they hovered in front of her chest. She didn’t know how to start, what to do, or what it would feel like. But Odessa’s gentle encouragement made her feel safe. Slowly, she nodded.
Odessa smiled and guided Billie up to her bedroom, creating a quiet, soft environment for her. She brought Billie’s favorite blanket over to her and made sure her ear defenders were within reach in case Billie needed them. Billie curled up in her bed, pulling the blanket close to her chest, her body already beginning to relax.
“Just take your time,” Odessa whispered softly. “You don’t have to do anything specific. Just let yourself be.”
As Billie allowed herself to sink into the comforting cocoon of her blanket, something shifted inside her. The tension that usually held her rigid began to melt away. Her body, always on high alert with tics and anxiety, softened. Her mind wandered back to a time when everything had felt safer, simpler. She hugged her knees to her chest, and without realizing it, she regressed.
In her regressed state, Billie felt small. The worries of the adult world faded away, replaced by a childlike sense of wonder and innocence. Her tics slowed down, becoming less aggressive. She didn’t need to sign anymore—her expressions, the way she snuggled into her blanket, the soft coos she made, communicated everything she was feeling.
Odessa, recognizing the shift in Billie, spoke gently, her voice soft and reassuring. “You’re doing so well, Billie. I’m right here with you.” Odessa moved carefully, making sure not to overwhelm her. She brought over some stuffed animals, offering them to Billie, who accepted them eagerly and hugged them tight.
As Billie played with the toys in a gentle, innocent manner, she occasionally looked up at Odessa with wide eyes. When she felt thirsty, she tugged on Odessa’s sleeve, pointing to a cup nearby, and Odessa quickly handed it to her, making sure Billie stayed comfortable.
The regression offered Billie a respite from the intensity of her usual world. She didn’t feel the same pressure to keep herself composed, and the absence of that pressure gave her relief from the constant overload. Odessa kept the room calm and quiet, giving Billie space to just be, without any expectations.
Later in the day, Billie had an accident, something she wasn’t used to. She blushed deeply, pulling the blanket up to her face in embarrassment, not knowing what to do. Odessa, sensing her discomfort, reassured her softly. “It’s okay, Billie. It happens. Let me help you.”
Odessa carefully and gently cleaned her up, placing Billie in a soft diaper to keep her comfortable while she stayed in her regressed state. The kindness and care Odessa showed made Billie feel safe, even in a situation that might have otherwise been embarrassing. Billie curled up once again, feeling calm and content, trusting Odessa completely.
Throughout the rest of the day, Odessa continued to support Billie, offering her comfort and care. She communicated with Billie through soft gestures and quiet words, always making sure that Billie felt understood, even without the use of words or sign language.
As the evening approached, Billie slowly began to emerge from her regressed state. She blinked up at Odessa, her adult awareness returning as she processed the day. But instead of the usual rush of anxiety or tics, she felt surprisingly calm.
For the first time in a long time, Billie felt a sense of peace. It wasn’t complete—it wasn’t a solution to everything—but it was something. And that was enough for now.
YOU ARE READING
mute
أدب الهواةbillie has severe autism and is mute. as she grows old she meets a friend. Billie is always bullied in school for being mute and having Tourette's.
