mute

chapter 14

Chapter: Finding Her Voice

The next morning, Billie woke up feeling a strange energy buzzing through her body. Even before she was fully awake, her hands were already flapping beneath the covers, her fingers moving in rapid, rhythmic patterns as she rocked slightly in bed. The previous night had been full of surprises and excitement, but now the lingering energy was making itself known in her body.

Billie sat up slowly, blinking as the early morning light filled her room. She could feel her body in full stim mode—her legs bouncing, her hands continuing to flap in quick bursts. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just intense. It was like her body was still processing everything that had happened the night before.

As she shifted in bed, she noticed something new. Her tics—usually more physical—now had a vocal element. It was strange at first, a new layer of sound that she wasn’t used to hearing. She let out a small, involuntary squeak, followed by a quick burst of humming, as if her body was testing out this new form of expression.

The vocal tics continued as she got out of bed, her mouth making short, sharp noises—repetitive clicks and squeaks that echoed through her room. It was a little frustrating, especially since she had never had so many vocal tics before. Her body was adjusting to the idea of making sounds, and it seemed like it wasn’t always under her control.

She grabbed her favorite fidget toy from her bedside table and began squeezing it in one hand, hoping to ground herself a little. But the vocal tics persisted. “Eh! Eh! Hm-hm!” she squeaked, the sounds coming out in short bursts, surprising her every time they escaped her lips.

Billie sighed, running her fingers through her messy hair as she tried to focus on calming down. But as much as the vocal tics bugged her, she couldn’t help but feel a little curious. She had made a sound last night—a real sound—and now it seemed like her body was determined to keep exploring that territory, whether she liked it or not.

After getting dressed, Billie headed downstairs for breakfast. Her family was already gathered at the kitchen table, chatting quietly over their morning coffee. When Billie entered the room, they all turned to her, smiles spreading across their faces.

“Good morning, Billie!” Maggie signed with a warm smile.

Billie nodded in return, her body still twitching slightly from her tics. As she sat down, her vocal tics flared up again. “Eh! Hm-hm! Tsk!” The sounds were quick, almost like little bursts of static that she couldn’t quite control.

Patrick, sitting across from her, raised an eyebrow. “New tics?” he asked gently.

Billie nodded, signing, “Vocal tics.”

Maggie gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. We’ll get used to them.”

Billie appreciated the support, but the vocal tics were already wearing on her nerves. Every time one slipped out, it felt like a reminder of how little control she had over her own body. She picked at her breakfast, trying to ignore the small “hm-hm!” sounds that kept bubbling up from her throat.

But then, something strange happened. In between her usual vocal tics, Billie felt a different kind of sensation—like her body was trying to form an actual word. It caught her off guard, and she paused, her hands freezing in mid-sign.

The word was right there, on the tip of her tongue, but it felt stuck. Her body tensed, and she tried to push it out, feeling the effort it took to shape the sound. And then, all at once, it happened.

“O-d...ess-a...” Billie stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her family froze. The room fell completely silent as everyone turned to look at Billie, their eyes wide with shock. Billie’s heart raced. She had done it again—she had spoken. But this time, it wasn’t just a sound. It was a word.

Maggie dropped her fork, her mouth hanging open in surprise. “Did... did you just say Odessa?” she asked, her voice trembling with emotion.

Billie blinked, her hands shaking slightly from the intensity of the moment. She hadn’t expected to say an actual word—especially not Odessa’s name. But there it was, lingering in the air between them. She had said it.

Finneas, who had been sitting quietly beside her, let out a small laugh of disbelief. “Billie, that was amazing!” he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up with pride. “You said a word! You said Odessa’s name!”

Patrick looked like he was about to cry. He reached out and gently squeezed Billie’s hand, his expression soft and full of love. “We’re so proud of you, Billie. That was incredible.”

Billie felt her heart swell with a mix of emotions—pride, shock, excitement, and a little bit of fear. The word had come out of nowhere, and she wasn’t sure if she could do it again. Her hands fluttered in front of her face, a happy stim that she couldn’t hold back. She rocked back and forth in her seat, her body vibrating with excitement as her hands flapped in quick, rhythmic motions.

Maggie wiped a tear from her eye, her smile beaming. “I can’t believe it,” she whispered. “You’ve come so far, Billie.”

Billie rocked harder, her stimming growing more intense as the excitement built up inside her. She had said a word. Her first real word. It felt surreal, like something she had only dreamed about. And the fact that it was Odessa’s name made it even more special.

Finneas, ever the supportive brother, grinned and signed, “Want to try it again?”

Billie hesitated. Her hands stilled for a moment, and she glanced at her family, all of them watching her with hopeful eyes. Could she do it again? The word had felt so elusive, like a fleeting moment of clarity that she wasn’t sure she could recreate. But the encouragement from her family gave her the strength to try.

Taking a deep breath, Billie focused again, her muscles tensing as she tried to form the word. She could feel it in her throat, the familiar sounds building up, but this time it was harder. Her vocal tics got in the way, small “hm-hm!” noises interrupting her concentration.

Her body twitched, her hands tapping against the table in frustration. It wasn’t coming out like it had before. The tics were too strong, and she felt her anxiety rising as the pressure to repeat the word mounted.

Maggie, sensing her frustration, placed a gentle hand on Billie’s arm. “It’s okay, Billie,” she signed. “You don’t have to do it again right now. What you’ve already done is amazing.”

Billie nodded, feeling a wave of relief wash over her. She didn’t have to push herself. She had already achieved something incredible, and that was enough for today. Her body relaxed a little, her hands still flapping but at a slower, calmer pace.

Finneas smiled at her, his eyes full of warmth. “No rush, Billie. You’ve got this.”

Billie rocked in her seat again, feeling the familiar comfort of her stimming movements. It was her body’s way of processing the overwhelming emotions of the moment. She had taken a huge step, and while it wasn’t perfect, it was hers.

As she continued to stim, the small, repetitive sounds of her vocal tics filled the room. But this time, they didn’t bother her as much. She had spoken a word—her first real word—and that was something worth celebrating, no matter how many tics followed.

For the rest of the day, Billie felt lighter, her body still buzzing with excitement but in a good way. Her family’s support and love made everything feel possible, and while the journey ahead was still uncertain, Billie knew she was surrounded by people who believed in her every step of the way.