mute

chapter 17

Chapter: A New Experience

The next day, Billie and Odessa were alone at Billie’s house, enjoying a quiet afternoon together. It was one of those peaceful days, where the sun filtered gently through the windows and everything felt calm. Billie had been feeling relatively good, her tics manageable and her mood relaxed. Odessa, ever the comforting presence, was sitting beside her on the couch, her closeness offering Billie a sense of stability.

But as the afternoon wore on, Billie began to feel… different. It was subtle at first—a creeping sense of vulnerability, a heaviness in her limbs that made her want to curl up and hide. She couldn’t explain it, but suddenly everything felt too big, too overwhelming. Her thoughts were muddled, her emotions hard to decipher. Billie’s heart started to race, and she looked around the room, her eyes wide with confusion. She felt small, really small.

Odessa noticed the shift in Billie almost immediately. Billie had gone quiet, her usual stims slowing down as she stared off into space, her fingers fidgeting absently with the edge of her shirt. Odessa furrowed her brow, concern filling her expression.

“Billie? You okay?” Odessa signed, reaching out to gently touch her arm.

Billie blinked, looking at Odessa with wide, childlike eyes. She couldn’t explain what was happening. It was like her mind had taken a step back, retreating to a place where she felt young and small. The world around her seemed too big, too loud, too overwhelming.

Without thinking, Billie curled up on the couch, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Her body began to tremble slightly as she rocked back and forth, the familiar signs of a meltdown starting to build. But this wasn’t like any meltdown she’d had before—this was different. Billie felt vulnerable in a way she’d never experienced, like she had regressed into a younger version of herself.

Odessa watched in concern, unsure of what was happening but determined to help. She moved closer to Billie, her voice gentle as she spoke, “It’s okay, Billie. I’m here.”

But Billie couldn’t find the words to respond. Her body tensed, her stimming becoming more erratic as she let out a series of vocal tics. “Eh! Hm-hm! Tsk!” Her hands flew to her head, pulling at her hair as the overwhelm took hold. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she began to cry, the meltdown building in intensity as her emotions spiraled out of control.

Odessa acted quickly, pulling Billie into her arms in an attempt to calm her down. She had never seen Billie like this before—so small, so lost in her own mind. It worried her, but she trusted her instincts. She knew Billie needed comfort, and she was determined to provide it.

Odessa cuddled Billie close, holding her firmly but gently, giving her the pressure she often needed to feel grounded. Billie’s body shook as she cried, her hands still pulling at her hair, but Odessa stayed calm, whispering soft reassurances in her ear. “It’s okay, Billie. You’re safe. I’m here.”

Eventually, Odessa noticed that Billie was responding to the contact. Her tics slowed, her body relaxing slightly as she melted into Odessa’s embrace. The skin-to-skin contact seemed to help, the warmth and closeness grounding Billie as she continued to sob softly. Odessa stroked her back, her touch light but comforting, allowing Billie to feel safe in the midst of her overwhelm.

After a while, Billie’s sobs subsided, and her breathing became more even. She was still trembling slightly, but the meltdown had passed. She stayed curled up in Odessa’s arms, her face buried in Odessa’s shoulder, her body heavy with exhaustion.

Odessa kept holding her, not saying anything for a while, just letting Billie have the space to calm down. It had been an overwhelming experience for both of them, but Odessa was patient, understanding that Billie needed time to process what had happened.

When Billie finally lifted her head, her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but she seemed more at peace. She looked up at Odessa, her expression a mixture of confusion and gratitude. She didn’t understand why she had felt so small, why she had regressed like that, but having Odessa there had made it bearable.

“Thank you,” Billie signed weakly, her fingers trembling slightly as she communicated.

Odessa smiled gently, brushing a stray hair from Billie’s face. “You’re welcome,” she signed back. “I’m here for you, always.”

Billie nodded, feeling a wave of relief wash over her. She didn’t know what had happened, but she knew she could trust Odessa to be there for her, no matter how overwhelming things got. For now, that was enough.