mute

chapter 30

Chapter: An Overwhelming Day

The following day started like any other, but Billie could sense something different about her body. There was a strange tension building inside her, one she was all too familiar with. Her tics, which had been quieter over the past few days, began to stir.

Billie tried to push through the day, but the feeling wouldn’t go away. As she sat at the breakfast table, her body jerked involuntarily. Her head snapped to the side repeatedly, her arm flying out with each movement. “Ugh!” She grunted, a vocal tic slipping out without her control.

Her family noticed but didn’t comment—they had grown used to these moments. They understood how overwhelming they could be for Billie and didn’t want to add pressure by bringing it up.

By midday, Billie’s tics intensified. It started with her neck jerking and her eyes blinking uncontrollably. Her body twitched violently, her fingers flexing and tapping against her legs. Every few minutes, a vocal tic would emerge—loud grunts and squeaks that echoed through the room.

“Hmm! Hmm!” Her voice piped up involuntarily, followed by sharp head movements that made her hair whip around her face.

Odessa, who had come over to visit, watched carefully. She knew Billie was trying to hold it together, but the tension in her body was evident. As the tics became more frequent and violent, Billie’s breathing quickened. Her arm suddenly flew out and knocked over a glass on the table, shattering it.

Odessa immediately moved closer. “Billie, it’s okay. I’m right here.”

Billie’s hands began to clench into fists, her face twitching with each tic. Her vocal tics grew louder, the tension inside her body unbearable. Suddenly, her legs kicked out, hitting the furniture around her. She was spiraling into a full-blown tic attack, and it wasn’t slowing down.

“Ah! Hmph!” Her vocal tics came in bursts, her throat straining with the force of them. Her body continued to jerk violently, and despite her efforts to control it, she accidentally hit her arm against the table, knocking a chair over in the process.

Odessa moved quickly, kneeling beside her. “You’re safe, Billie. It’s going to be okay.” She tried to help by guiding Billie’s hands gently, hoping to stop her from hurting herself or breaking anything else. But the tics wouldn’t stop

Billie’s body was beyond her control now. Her arms flailed, her legs kicked, and her head jerked repeatedly. It felt as if her entire body was working against her. Every few seconds, a vocal tic burst out, louder and more desperate.

“Hmm! Ah! Ugh!” she grunted, her face contorting with the force of each sound. Her legs kicked at the table, knocking over another chair.

Odessa remained by Billie’s side, her face calm but focused. She knew that Billie was overwhelmed and exhausted, and all she could do was be there, letting Billie know she wasn’t alone. Odessa softly spoke words of comfort, but her real focus was on staying close, ready to help whenever Billie needed it.

Finally, after what felt like hours but was likely closer to twenty minutes, Billie’s tics began to slow. Her movements became less violent, and her vocal tics came in softer bursts. But she wasn’t done yet. She suddenly felt her mind slipping into a regressed state—a place of safety that her therapist had recently mentioned might help her cope with intense emotions.

Billie’s tics gave way to a quieter version of herself, and Odessa noticed the shift immediately. Her eyes softened, and she knelt next to Billie, rubbing her back gently.

“Are you feeling little?” Odessa asked softly, careful not to overwhelm her girlfriend.

Billie nodded, her eyes wide and a little scared. She signed shakily to Odessa, “I feel small.”

Odessa understood. “Okay, it’s okay,” she whispered. “I’m right here, and I’m going to take care of you.”

With gentle care, Odessa guided Billie to the couch and wrapped her in a soft blanket. Billie regressed even further, now acting much younger than her actual age. She held onto a stuffed animal Odessa had handed her and quietly sucked on her thumb, seeking comfort. Odessa, recognizing Billie’s needs, spoke in soothing tones, keeping her movements slow and gentle.

As part of her care, Odessa helped Billie into a diaper, as Billie had accidents during these regressed states. Odessa made sure Billie felt safe and secure, making sure her every need was met.

Billie communicated mostly through simple signs, pointing to things she needed or signing, "Help," when she felt overwhelmed. Despite the softness of her regression, Odessa could see the weight of the day on her girlfriend’s face. Billie’s eyes, usually bright, held a deep exhaustion, her body worn out from the earlier tic attack.

Hours passed, and Billie stayed in her regressed state, but the safety Odessa provided was enough to keep her calm. Eventually, Billie’s family returned, shocked to see her like this. Their protective instincts kicked in, and questions poured out, mostly directed at Odessa.

“What happened?” Patrick asked, his voice tinged with concern.

Maggie stepped closer, her brow furrowed as she tried to understand. “Is she okay?”

The barrage of questions, however well-meaning, was too much for Billie. Her body tensed up again, and she could feel another wave of tics approaching. Her arm twitched, then her legs kicked out as the vocal tics returned. “Hmph! Ugh!” Billie let out unintentionally, her body shaking.

Odessa immediately took charge. “She’s having another tic attack. Please, give her space,” she urged, trying to calm both the family and Billie. “Billie, it’s okay. I’m here.”

Billie’s body jerked violently again, and her head snapped to the side. She let out sharp, high-pitched vocal tics, “Ah! Hmm! Ugh!” They came fast, and despite Odessa’s efforts, Billie’s tics were relentless.

Patrick and Maggie watched helplessly, unsure of what to do. Finneas, standing nearby, looked torn between wanting to help and not wanting to make things worse. Odessa gently touched Billie’s hand, guiding her through the storm of tics, but it was clear that this attack was taking everything out of her.

After what felt like an eternity, the tics finally started to lessen, and Billie slumped against Odessa, completely drained. Odessa held her close, stroking her back softly. “You did so good, Billie,” she whispered, reassuring her girlfriend.

Once the attack had fully passed, Billie lay quietly in Odessa’s arms, her breath shallow and her body limp with exhaustion. Odessa gently stroked her hair, whispering soft words of comfort as Billie began to drift off to sleep.

Though the day had been overwhelming, Billie knew she had Odessa’s support. And as she finally closed her eyes, for the first time in hours, she felt a small sense of peace.