A Human's Touch || BillFord (Gravity Falls)

Second Thoughts

-sorry for maybe spelling mistakes

[Ford POV]

I woke up on the dirty basement floor. My body had felt like it had been worked nearly to death. What happened? I was outside just a moment ago and.. Bill. I really wish he'd ask before just bossing his way in and out of my mind. I don't see Fiddleford down here either, usually he checks on me if he notices something off. I get up and stretch, hearing my joints gasp for air as my still exhausted body shuffles upstairs. It feels like I've been asleep for days, though by the looks of it it's maybe only been one or so. I was about to go check outside, but as I reached for the door handle I heard muffled sobbing.. Fiddleford? My Muse wouldn't hurt him, would he? Maybe he just burned himself or something, or got in a fight with his ex wife. No need to jump to conclusions, right?
I quietly make my way to his room. The doors cracked open and I can see him laying in bed facing the opposite direction. Though the doors slightly open I knock anyway to respect his privacy. "Hey, Fiddleford could I come in?" I ask. He doesn't reply, and I can still hear his muffled sobs. I wait a few seconds before slowly entering anyway. I sat on the corner of his bed and looked at him. He had his hands around his neck like.. either he was trying to choke himself or something else. "Hey, Fiddleford?" I raised my hand, wondering if he'd let me see if their was a wound or something but he twitched and pulled away from me. It happened so fast I still couldn't see what he was trying to cover up. He gently pushed my hand away "Don't touch me!" He yelled out, finally looking me in the eyes. I could see the exhausted and terrified look in his face. What truly happened while was out?!
"Okay, okay I won't, I promise" I reassured him. I've never felt so confused and painfully guilty before except.. with S.
What am I to do for Fiddleford? I've never been good with people ,let alone comfort stuff before. Am I the problem? No, I've worked too hard, I can't shut down this whole project now..
"Hey.. Fiddleford, I don't know what's upset you but.. I'm really sorry if it has anything to do with me. Do you.." I trailed off and gently opened my arms for him. He looked at me from the small hole of light between his knees and his face that he hid away from me. I was worried for a moment he wouldn't budge but, then he hugged me, tightly as well. I've never seen him so afraid. But the way he was hugging me was different than just that.. it's like, he was uncertain if doing so would just cause him more pain. I shook away the thought and put my arms around him as I felt his quivering body against mine. I patted his back gently as he slightly winced. I stop. I just held him close to me since I guess this is all I could do right at the moment.
My train of thought comes back to me though and before I can stop myself I find myself half way through asking a question, "Is this about.. her?" I suggested. I felt almost worse for bringing it up. He shook his head and just cried a bit more. I stayed quiet for a while and just let him catch his breath. He slowly lowered himself to my chest and just wouldn't let go, it was almost adorable. "I.. I just haven't been feeling well" he explains. I can tell he's lying but I don't think pressing him for answers would help right now. "hey.. we're almost done with our portal. I think maybe by tomorrow or so we could test it. Would that help?" I suggested. He seemed almost wounded that I even brought it up, but after some thinking he just shrugged and said I guess.

All my research aside, I fear what we're doing is becoming dangerous. Its completely destroyed Fiddleford and I want to stop but I've worked too hard. Do I give it all up in order to save Fiddleford or do I keep going to potentially save or change millions of lives? Solve meaning, to find what I've been looking for, the one common source of all these anomalies.  But is my work more important than me or anyone else in my life?
My Muse makes it sound easy, but I'll I've been known for is my smarts. If I suddenly stopped, would I maybe have the slight chance of.. being normal?
I mean I can never escape my 12 fingers, but what if it's just something I could finally bring myself to live with?
I think I feel a migraine coming on..
Fiddleford has finally managed to calm down, maybe he won't mint me going to ng study for a while. I begin to get up and he moves. He watches me stumble a bit as my vision is blocked by the pain. "Stanford?" He calls out. "I just, need to lie down. You know how these headaches are" I sighed. He just nodded quietly and let me leave. I made my way up to my study and lay down on the couch, tossing and turning, trying to make the pain go away. Eventually, I found myself back asleep.
I could tell I was dreaming because on the other side of my unconscious my Muse was there to speak with me, I didn't feel the pains anymore either. "Hey there Sixer! How's my portal going?" He smiles. I'm still not super used to this human-ish form, though I guess I asked for it.
"Um, I suppose it can be tested tomorrow. Bill, I think I'd like to talk to you about something by the way.." I nervously began to bring up. His eye twitches. "Hey! Notice how I massaged your brain to get that migraine away?" He changes the subject. "Sure, but Cipher I'm serious" I tried to explain. "How about a game of chess?" He snaps his fingers and the chess board appears. I grumbled "Bill, stop it!" I stood up and pushed the chessboard away. He looks truly shocked for a moment before turning to a stir of anger and Hysteria. "What, you don't have time for me anymore?" He ask. I roll my eyes "Quit acting like a child! I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!" I hated yelling at him but he can be so annoyingly childish at the worst of times. "Woah, someone needs to relax" He snaps his fingers and summons me a firmilair cocktail. I sigh and set it down "look, I'm sorry I yelled, but I'm very worried about our work", I try to explain again. "Relax sweetheart, everything will be perfect, FLAWLESS even!" He smiles and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I can feel my heart race but damnit! Why won't he ever just listen to me?! "Yes, good, but I need help, Fiddleford is—" he cuts me off. "Yeah you do, you need a chill pill, that's what" he chuckled. I just blush, embarrassed, before I  can get another word out he starts speaking again. "And hey, Ford. Remember how you said I'm bad with human traditions?" He smirks. "Um, yes, I suppose so" Oh sweet Moses, what has he been researching. "Well, I've been sneaking around your place while in the mindscape, and I think I've picked up some things you might like" he licks his lips. As much as I want to be angry, I'm curious, and.. maybe if he means what I think he means it would be nice to blow off some steam. And of course, at the worst of times when my mind wanders in times like these, I forget he can also read it. "Well? Isn't it big deal for you humans to participate in these types of uh, non-virgin activities or whatever?" He tried to explain. I can't help smile and laugh a bit, it's pretty funny hearing an otherworld being trying to understand stuff like this when I don't think they even originally have a reproductive system. He smiles and takes the opertunity to start kissing me. Sooner or later I forgot what I had came for and one thing lead to another.

It almost felt too real to be a dream.