A Human's Touch || BillFord (Gravity Falls)

Blind and Addicted

Tw- assault/abuse, manipulation, suicide mentions, murder mentions

OK I KNOW ITS A CUPHEAD SONG BUT IT WORKS SO WELL IN A GRAVITY FALLS FONT -Lund

[Ford POV]:

I started having nightmares a lot. Bill keeps dragging me to the basement during my sleep and I'm waking up exhausted to the point I can barely walk to my room. For the past could days I've been locking my study door. My first hurt. I love him and I know this is probably hurting him but my body can't take it anymore, I even have burn scars on my hands and wrist from the blowtorch. Also my forks are disappearing? Not sure what that's about. I've started drinking a lot of coffee out of paranoia. I'm hurting everywhere. My body, my mind. I just want a break so bad. His voice is always in the back of my mind. I can't control myself around him, it's like I'm addicted to how he makes me feel. Maybe I should get in contact with Stanley I need help. I've tried calling him a few times in the past but I just end up hyperventilating then crying and I hang up. I'm so tired. I miss Fidd. I just wanna be around him. Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted by a slap across my face as my Muse appears before me. "Jesus, Bill- what the hell?!" I grumbled. "You're still thinking about that hillbilly I can feel it" he grumbled "Why do you care?" I scoff. "You're acting weird, you've locked me in here and I can't get out! You're out of line, Stanford! If you don't let me work on the portal right now I'll disassemble your molecules!" He screams. "Bill I'm.. I'm so tired I can't" I found myself crying, I felt like a child but I was so sleepy deprived. "You and your excus-" he stopped when he saw my tears. "Woah, hey, why are your eyes leaking? Are you dying? I'm sorry, I.." he stopped taking and avoided eye contact. I pulled my knees into my chest and continued, shaking. I don't cry often but everything hurts. My Muse began to wrap a blanket around me. "Um, there there. But.. you're seriously not dying, are you?" He asked a bit frantically. "You just hit me and now you're asking how I feel?" I chuckled through the tears. "I don't know how your dumb body works! I may have had slight interactions with presidents during wars or ancient Egyptians, but I was never around long enough to deal with this. Are you sick? Please tell me, you're the only human Ive ever stuck around this long for, if you die I don't know what I'll do", he began to panic. I laugh a bit "it's funny you've never seen someone cry before" I wiped my eyes as much as I could. "Well.. it looks different for other creatures sometimes" he crossed his arms. I sighed and cling to his chest. "What the- you're insufferable, you know that?" He smiles and he runs his fingers though my hair. I finally managed to sleep.

When I woke up it was dark, but early morning. I was on the floor infront of the door. The door was covered in blood and scratches and I looked at my hands. Bloody. Is he really THAT obsessed with his work? He's almost worse than I am.. the gloves will hide the bruises and such at most but, I can feel the pains through my bones even.. how hard was he pounding on that door?
I guess I have no choice but to let him roam again, I should probably hide my tools though. I think I should shut the portal down, this is really draining me. I'm not so sure he's even been truthful about what it does, but I don't wanna get hit again.
He keeps carving these words "I grow maddened" in everything. I've searched about everywhere and I still can't understand what it means. Is it a warning, a metaphor? What's the secret? God, there he goes ,getting in my head again. I love him, so maybe I can't really help it but PHYSICALLY I need to find some way to keep him out. I'm so sore from all the work he has me doing. There has to be something I can make ,some way to keep him from my mind. "I would t do that if I were you" a distorted voice replied. I felt a shiver down my spine. This is exactly why. I can't have him reading my thoughts all the time, especially when in times like this. "Bill! Look I didn't mean it like that, I.. you saw what happened last night, a human can't work so many hours like that, don't you have any sense of morality?!" I argued. He shrugged and smiled again "Well... You could say that I do, but when you've seen what I've seen you come to realize a life isn't worth much" he chuckled. I could feel my blood run cold. "What are you taking about? If anything, you of all people should know how important a life is!" I yelled, remembering what he told me about his own reality. His smile didn't fade though, but his pupil narrowed, it was like he was staring straight through me, and that's when I began to connect the dots. Fiddleford leaving, a danger coming, something that will kill us all.. something that only has that power.. But.. he said his reality was destroyed by a monster! Unless

He is that monster..

"You finally figured it out, didn't you. What are you gonna do now? You gonna put me somewhere, leave me?" He smiles falters, "You and I both have no one, nobody will ever understand us! We're FREAKS, and if you think that hillbilly will take you back you're wrong. Besides, if you know what I'm capable of you know you're still putty in my hands" he begins to smile again. "What did you do to Fiddleford?" I asked, the breath slowing and disappearing from me. "I simply moved him out of the way. Besides, he was already prepared to destroy himself for you before, what's different now?" He shrugged and ripped teleported us to his old bedroom, then ripped the top dresser drawer out and tossed it. I watched anxiety pill bottles spill all over the bed and the floor from Bill's force. My heart pounded. "That's.. but it's prescription, it has to be.." I tried to rationalize. He cocks his head back to me "How's this for prescription" He snapped his fingers and a blueprint hidden under his mattress flew out to meet my eyes. I looked it over, I recognized what this was, he has proposed a memory gun to me long ago but I told him it was a stupid idea. Oh god, what have I done?! He's probably already destroyed himself by now. "Mhmm, let that delicious guilt sink in. We're not good people, Fordsy, but we're all we've got, alright?" His gave softens and he opens his arms. I know what a monster he is but God damnit I can't.. how am I supposed to live knowing what Fiddleford's going through right now?! I pull myself into Bill's chest as much as I can. "There there Fordsy. I've killed lots of things, it's a feeling you get used to. I wouldn't be surprised if that hick is plummeting off a building right now" his words were like a rip into my soul. He's right though. I am a terrible person. How could I have been so blind?! What am I supposed to do with myself? What have I done?